Hi all Okay first off, due to the public holiday next week, this is a short week, with the new movies opening next Thursday. With the holidays in site, the distributors have rolled out some crowd-friendly releases for your viewing pleasure. The big release is the movie adaptation of the popular game Warcraft, which suffers from having different titles around the world, full title is Warcraft: The Beginning, so I guess there will be sequels coming. Speaking of sequels, there are two this week, very different from each other, and also in their critical reception. Finally, no previews this week. See you Thursday :-) M O V I E S Released 10 June 2016 * Truth (13 L) * The Conjuring 2 (13 VH) * Now You See Me 2 (PG7-9) * Now You See Me 2 (4DX) (PG7-9) * Warcraft (PG10-12 V) * Warcraft (3D) (PG10-12 V) * Warcraft (3D)(IMAX) (PG10-12 V) * Te3n (Hindi) http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit) http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily. http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia) http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm Forthcoming attractions for 16 June. http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm Updated the pic and quote on the home page http://www.moviesite.co.za/ This Week's pinup http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (for the guys) Pick of the Week http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first. http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm List of all movies showing http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm Same list sorted by Age Restriction http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) Cheers, Ian ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- An inflatable pupil goes to his inflatable school and is having a really bad day. Bored in his history lesson, he gets up and walks out. Walking down the corridor, he sees the inflatable headmaster walking towards him and he pulls a knife out and stabs him. He runs out of the school. As he gets outside, he thinks again "I hate school" and pulls his knife out and stabs the inflatable school. He runs off to his inflatable home. Two hours later, his inflatable mum is knocking at his inflatable bedroom door with the inflatable police. Panicking, inflatable boy pulls out the knife and stabs himself. Later on that evening, he wakes up in an inflatable hospital and sees the inflatable headmaster in the inflatable bed next to him. Shaking his deflated head, more in sorrow than in anger, the headmaster gravely intones: "You've let me down; you've let the school down, but worst of all, you've let yourself down!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pregnancy: all you need to know but were afraid to ask: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes varsity. Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's s*x? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: What's your question? Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery while my wife is in labour? A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are at varsity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On their way to get married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder... Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?" After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An oldie ... George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available." George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was walking past the fridge this morning and I thought I heard the onions singing a song by the Beegees. When I opened the door it was only the CHIVES TALKING.