Newsletter and jokes 23 September 2016


 
Hi all 
 
It's a bit of 'back to the past' this week with The Magnificent Seven, Blair 
Witch and Absolutely Fabulous. There's also two Indian movies, and something 
a bit more offbeat with the ex James Bond, and a local Fame-inspired docudrama. 
 
Looks like people are getting into holiday mode already... :-) 
 
On the previews side there are previews all over all day Saturday for the  
upcoming (next week) animated film The Secret Life of Pets. 
 
Enjoy :-) 
 
M O V I E S 
 
Released 23 September 2016 
 
* The Magnificent Seven (16 V) 
* The Magnificent Seven (IMAX) (16 V) 
* Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie (13 LD) 
* Blair Witch (16 LVH) 
* Cry of Love (13 LV) 
* I.T. (16 LSV) 
* Banjo (Hindi) 
* Thodari (Tamil) 
 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm  
 
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit) 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm  
 
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily. 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm  
 
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia) 
 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Forthcoming attractions for 30 September. 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the pic and quote on the home page 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
This Week's pinup 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (wallpaper)  
 
Pick of the Week 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm  
 
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first. 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm  
 
List of all movies showing 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
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People are saying there's a giant killer butterfly on the loose in London 
but I think it's just an urban moth. 
 
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I've been told to find my sensitive side so I started writing poetry: 
POETR... As you can see - it's coming along nicely. 
 
I used to go out with a girl who had a wooden leg. Everything went 
smoothly, then I broke it off. 
 
On a drugs bust one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another covered me 
in sulphuric acid. I didn't know how to react. 
 
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A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father 
as to when they could discuss his use of the car. 
    
His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades 
up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your 
hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.' 
 
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, 
and they agreed on it. 
 
After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up 
and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but you haven't 
had your hair cut. 
 
The  boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've  noticed in my studies of the Bible 
that Samson had long hair, John the  Baptist had long hair, Moses had long 
hair...and there's even strong  evidence that Jesus had long hair.' 
 
To this his father replied, 'Did you also notice they all walked everywhere 
they went?' 
 
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I think we're in for a bad spell of wether. 
 
My gran is turning 90 next week and she still doesn't need glasses...she 
just drinks straight from the bottle. 
 
I've learnt so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking about making a few more. 
 
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Sam went to a psychiatrist............ 
 
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under 
it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.' 
 
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk 
to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those 
fears.' 
 
'How much do you charge?' 
 
'Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor.' 
 
 
'I'll sleep on it,' said Sam. 
 
Six months later the doctor met Sam on the street. 'Why didn't you ever 
come to see me about those fears you were having?' asked the psychiatrist. 
 
 
'Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot 
of money! 
 
A Newfoundlander cured me for $10 and a pint of vodka. I was so happy to 
have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!' 
 
 
'Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a Newfoundlander cure you?' 
 
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed!  -  Ain't nobody under there now 
!!!..............' 
 
 
 
 
 



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