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Newsletter and jokes: 30 December 2016



Hi all

And finally 2016 draws to a close... been a rather hectic year, full of 
political drama globally, and famous people dropping like flies ...

On the positive side, summer has finally arrived down here in the Cape.

Over at the air-conditioned cinemas, this week sees the sexy space thriller
Passengers, as well as Mel Gibson's comeback film Hacksaw Ridge.

Also up we have a local Afrikaans dark comedy, as well as another take on the 
"meet the parents" genre from Hollywood. 

Lastly the popular series of teen novels about life in American "middle school"
makes the transition to the big screen.

No previews this week, please take care over New Year ...

Enjoy :-)

M O V I E S

Released 30 December 2016

* Passengers (PG10-12 SV)
* Passengers (3D) (PG10-12 SV)
* Hacksaw Ridge (16 V)
* Why Him? (16 L)
* Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life
* Snaaks Genoeg (13 LV)
* Assassin's Creed (4DX) (PG10-12 V)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 6 January
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
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This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

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An update on an oldie

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent
word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went
up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided
to call it a day.
Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to
apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.
'You have no arms !
'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody
on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a
replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man
tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the
street below.
The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps,
when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure,
drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,
'Bishop, who was this man ?'..
'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied,

' .................... BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'


The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart
due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop
continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of
the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry
yesterday.
I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this
duty.'
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's
brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned,
clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy,
rushed up the stairs to his side.
'What has happened ? Who is this man ?' the first monk asked breathlessly.
'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but....'

'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when Emily, young
lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know
that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very
nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?'
'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.
 'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of
you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'
 Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The judge asked the defendant what he was charged with.
 "Doing my Christmas shopping early," was the reply.
 "That not illegal! How early were you shopping?"
 "Before the store was open."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I love CHRISTMAS LIGHTS, they remind me of Politicians.

They all hang together, half don't work, and the ones that do aren't very
bright.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A group of 40 years old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet
for dinner..

Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen
restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice
breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is
very good and the wine selection is good also..

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there
in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is
wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a
great idea because they have never been there before.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two blondes living in Oklahoma  were sitting on a bench talking, and one 
blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away.. Florida or
the moon?"  

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????"  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled
the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are
in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"  

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical
minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which
holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t*rd
by the clean end. "

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why Him?PassengersHacksaw RidgeAssassin's Creed (4DX)Hacksaw RidgePassengers (3D)
Newsletter
Middle SchoolSnaaks Genoeg
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