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Newsletter and jokes: 27 January 2017



Hi all

Oo La La ... yes La La Land is now showing for your viewing pleasure. After
cleaning up at the Golden Globes (most Globes ever won by a film), it 
equalled the record for most nominations set by All About Eve (way back in
1950) and 1997's Titanic. However La La Land also got noms for both leading
actors and script, while Titanic did not.

In stark constrast to La La Land, we have the return of Mr Xander Cage,
with a Bollywood babe for accompaniment.

Rounding out the lineup we have a new Afrikaans black comedy (black as in 
dark humour, not ethnic), and Will Smith in a male-crisis drama.

From India, Kaabil and Raees are now on wide release all over.

On the previews side there are once-offs previews for some of the other
Oscar-nominated movies, mostly only at V+A Nouveau (and one at Tygervalley)
but I'm not sure if these are open to the public or not. See the previews
page.


Enjoy :-)

M O V I E S

Released 27 January 2017

* La La Land (PG7-9)
* xXx: Return of Xander Cage (PG10-12 LV)
* xXx: Return of Xander Cage (3D) (PG10-12 LV)
* xXx: Return of Xander Cage (3D)(IMAX) (PG10-12 LV)
* xXx: Return of Xander Cage (4DX) (PG10-12 LV)
* Hoener met die Rooi Skoene (PG10-12 LV)
* Collateral Beauty (PG7-9 L)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 3 February
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper... yes, That One.)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a
fly swatter

"What are you doing?"  She asked.

"Hunting Flies"  He responded.

"Oh. ! Killing any?"  She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone!!!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

An elderly scot lay dying in his bed.

While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the
aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs...

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with
even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs.

With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the
kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in
heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally
hundreds of his favourite scones.

Was it heaven?

Or was it one final act of love from his devoted scottish wife of sixty
years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
landing on his knees in rumpled posture.

His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the
table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon ...
'No,' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A big game hunter went on a safari with his wife and mother-in-law.

One morning, while still deep in the jungle, the hunter's wife awakened to
find her mother gone.

She woke her husband, and they both set off in search of the old woman.

In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The
mother-in-law was standing face-to-face with a lion

"What are we going to do?" his horrified wife asked.

"Nothing," her husband replied, "The lion got himself into this mess, let
him get himself out of it."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.

"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"

Being the nice guy I am, I thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her!"

So we walked past it again.


La La LandxXx (3D)xXx (3D)Collateral BeautyHoener met die Rooi Skoene
Newsletter
xXx (3D)(IMAX)xXx
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