Newsletter and jokes: 3 February 2017
With most of the Oscar contenders now on circuit, we take a step back and
cater for a more populist market. Kicking off with what may be the final
instalment of the Resident Evil franchise (and some critics sincerely hope
so), we also have another instalment in "The Ring" horror series.
Rounding out the lineup is a teen-friendly sci-fi romance, and finally,
a rather disastrous release from Mr Ben Affleck, which set the wrong
sort of records over in the USA and the studio is Not Happy... :-)
On the previews side there are previews for the next episode of the
"Fifty Shades" erotic romance series. It's basically playing all
over, but I only have the Nu Metro shows listed, Ster-Kinekor did not
include them in my data feed. At least some of them are Ladies Only.
Pick a date next Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.... and be sure to book.
Speaking of booking, since both SK and NM redid their web sites, I have
been unable to link from my showtimes pages to their booking engines.
It's a problem for all of us.
On the positive side, I think I may be able to link to at least one of
them shortly, if they include an extra piece of data in the feed.
For lovers of opera and ballet, here's a list of upcoming releases,
starting this week at the Nouveaus.
4 February: Nabucco
11 February: Roméo et Juliette
25 March: Rusalka
8 April: La Traviata
24 April: Idomeneo
20 May: Eugene Onegin
10 June: Der Rosenkavalier
M O V I E S
Released 3 February 2017
* Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (16 V)
* Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (3D) (16 V)
* Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (3D)(IMAX) (16 V)
* The Space Between Us (PG7-9)
* Rings (13 VH)
* Live by Night (16 LV)
The 4DX version of Resident Evil opens next week, replacing xXx.
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)
Forthcoming attractions for 10 February
Updated the pic and quote on the home page
This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper)
Pick of the Week
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
List of all movies showing
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)
Who said Aussie Rules footballers aren't smart ?
'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
'Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like
(Mick Malthouse - Collingwood).
'I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.'
(Peter Bell - Fremantle - on his University Law studies).
'You guys line up alphabetically by height.' and 'You guys pair up in
groups of three, then line up in a circle.'
(Barry Hall Sydney Captain at training)..
Brock Maclean (Melbourne ) on whether he had visited the
Pyramids during his visit to Egypt :
'I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.'
'He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what
time it is.'
(Kevin Sheedy on James Hird).
Jonathan Brown, on night Grand Finals vs Day Games
'It's basically the same, just darker.'
Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton 'I told him, 'Son, what is it with
you. Is it ignorance or apathy?'
He said, 'Barass, I don't know and I don't care.'
Barry Hall (Sydney) when asked about the upcoming season:
'I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first.'
'Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago' (Dermott
'Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator.'
'We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they
(Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles).
'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.'
'That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was
'Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them
'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing
'I would not say he (Chris Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL but
there are none better.' (Dermott Brereton).
'I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a
lifetime for that prat.' (Terry Wallace).
Garry Lyon : 'Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?'
David Swartz: 'On what?'
'Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.'
'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the
Air for even longer.'
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of
five enjoys it?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread
to begin with?
If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who
drives a race car is not called a racist?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'
What hair colour do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and
forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, Toothpicks?
Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the
batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds; when they already know
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in
the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you
have to touch it to check?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
revolver at him?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?
Why is it that, no matter what colour bubble bath you use, the bubbles are
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner,
then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the
vacuum one more chance?
How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?
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