Newsletter and jokes 15 March 2024


 
Hi all 
 
The big release this week is the outdoor doggie adventure Arthur the King, 
which has nothing to do with King Arthur. It features Mark Wahlberg and  
Nathalie Emmanuel, fully recovered after losing her head in the Game of  
Thrones. 
 
Hong Kong's official entry to the 2024 Oscars, A Light Never Goes Out, is 
on at the arthouse-and-similar venues.  
 
Local revenge tale The Bush Knife is showing at three venues. It dates from 
2017 but only got a release slot now. 
 
Lastly Bollywood has a Tom-Cruise style high action thriller with Yodha. 
 
Kung Fu Panda 4 opens next Thursday, so this is a short week, and there are  
previews all over all day Saturday. It did well on opening in the US this 
past weekend. 
 
Enjoy. :-) 
 
New this week 
  
* Arthur the King (13 L) 
* A Light Never Goes Out (13) 
* The Bush Knife (16 LV) 
* Yodha (Probably 13V) 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the home page poster 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
List of all movies showing 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Showtimes 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Enjoy :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
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What do you call a large African mammal that nobody cares about? 
 
An irrelephant 
 
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A diner who had finished brunch at a Cantonese restaurant called the waiter  
over to question the bill. 
 
"I can read the costs of all the individual items we ordered, but the total  
amount I owe is so faint I can't read it," the diner complained. 
 
"But sir," the waiter responded, "you specifically requested the dim sum." 
 
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In ancient Sumeria there was an uprising against the king.  
 
The king defeated the rebels but wanted to capture all their leaders, so he  
sent his greatest general to hunt them down. 
 
The remaining rebels had taken refuge in an abandoned step pyramid.  
 
Because it was so chilly at night, they lit a fire for warmth.  
 
The general saw the smoke coming from the step pyramid and quickly seized  
the rebels. 
 
And this is how we got the saying "The searching general has determined that  
smoking ziggurats is hazardous to your stealth." 
 
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I hate when I compliment someone's beard and all of a sudden she's not my  
friend anymore... 
 
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Attractive women are just looking for security. 
 
I know because I started talking to one and that's what she yelled. 
 
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Anthropologists have recently discovered the remains of cannibalistic tribes  
whose system of trade consisted of severed fingers and toes. 
 
It was an early form of digital currency. 
 
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My grandmother has gotten to the stage where all she does is go on about  
who's just died. 
 
"Do you remember Muriel? She's just died." 
 
"Do you remember Arthur? He's just died." 
 
I said, "Gran. Get off the roof and give me the gun!" 
 
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I hear they've cured a found for dyslexia.  
 
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What do you call someone who has really got into telling dad jokes as they  
have gotten older? 
 
A groan up. 
 
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I Just called Animal Welfare Services to say that I found a suitcase in the  
forest with 4 cubs and a fox!  
 
They asked if they were still moving.  
 
I said I don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.  
 
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I met a magical genie who gave me one wish.  
 
I said, “I wish I could be you.” 
 
The genie said, “Weurd wush but U wull grant ut.” 
 
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Who decided to call the streaming service Disney+ and not Vault Disney? 
 
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My parents immigrated in search of a better life.  
 
I thanked them for their sacrifices by announcing that I want 
to be an actor.  
 
They replied, "Oh, honey, it’s pronounced doc-tor." 
 
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On a CV: 
 
Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self-Motivated, 
Attention to Detail. 
 
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My daughter told me a boy in school asked her out. 
 
Me: What did you say?  
 
My eight-year-old: I said I can speak three languages  
and was the lead in my camp’s play, and what could he offer? 
 
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My twins learned some new adjectives at school today and are currently  
arguing about whether the dinner I cooked is abominable or diabolical. 
 
 



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