Newsletter and jokes 27 February 2015

Hi all 
A very full lineup this week, including some rather good award-laden  
titles and some rather not so good ... 
Fifty Shades gave Addicted a beating at the weekend box office... 
There's previews next week at selected cinemas for The Second Best Exotic 
Marigold Hotel , see the previews page and remember to book. 
M O V I E S 
27 February 2015 
* Kaaki Sattai 	(Kollywood) 
* Hear Me Move (13 LVD) 
* Wild (16 LNSD) 	 
* Dying of the Light (18 LV) 
* Mortdecai (PG10-12 LSV) 	 
* Shaun the Sheep Movie (A) 
* The Remaining (16 VH) 	 
* American Sniper (IMAX) (16 LV) 
* Kill the Messenger (13 LD) 	 
* The Theory of Everything (PG7-9)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
Added US and UK Top Tens  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 6 March February  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (desktop for the guys)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Frank always looked on the bright side.  He would constantly irritate  
his friends with his eternal optimism. 
No matter how horrible the circ*mstance, he would always reply, "It  
could have been worse." 
To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a  
situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope 
in it. 
On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about  
Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot  
them both and then turned the  
gun on himself!" 
"That`s awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse." 
"How in the hell," asked his angry friend, "Could it have been worse?" 
"Well," replied Frank, "If it had happened the night before,  
I'd be dead now!" 
From comedienne Phyllis Diller 
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, 
so will his eyesight. 
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? 
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like  
shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. 
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. 
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors:  Eat out. 
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. 
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only 
thing that keeps some parents going. 
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. 
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has 
just been robbed. 
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to 
walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. 
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away  
from children. 
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago  
it was grass.' 
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. 
For those who watch what they eat, here's the final word on nutrition and 
health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting 
medical studies.... 
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the 
Aussies, British or Americans. 
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the 
Aussies, British or Americans. 
3. Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than 
the Aussies, British or Americans. 
4. Italians drink large amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks 
than the Aussies, British or Americans. 
5. Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer 
fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans. 
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. 
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? 
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? 
(But then again, when do woman ever close their mouths???) 
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? 
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? 
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? 
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid 
made with real lemons? 
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? 
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food? 
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? 
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? 
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't 
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! 
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? 
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? 
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? 
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? 

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