Hi all It looks like Hollywood is going through a bad patch at the moment, having produced a few high-profile duds this year already (one of which opens here this week). So I guess the suits in Hollywood are not happy ... On the positive side, there's also at least two well-rated movies opening here for your viewing pleasure. M O V I E S 6 March 2015 * Blackhat (16 LV) * Playing It Cool (13 LS) * Enakkul Oruvan * Nightcrawler (13 LV) * The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (13 VH) * The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (PG7-9 L) http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit) http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm Added US and UK Top Tens http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia) http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm Forthcoming attractions for 13 March February http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm Updated the pic and quote on the home page http://www.moviesite.co.za/ This Week's pinup http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (desktop for the gals) Pick of the Week http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first. http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm List of all movies showing http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm Same list sorted by Age Restriction http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) Cheers, Ian ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dave and his wife, Anne, were driving home one very cold night in Wisconsin, when Anne yells at him to stop the car. Anne jumps out and picks up a little bundle that was laying in the road. She brings it back to the car and it turns out it was a skunk. It was barely alive, but very cold. Anne says, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?" DAVE SAYS, "OKAY, GET IN THE CAR WITH IT." "WHERE SHALL I PUT IT TO KEEP IT WARM? "PUT IT BETWEEN YOUR LEGS. IT OUGHT TO BE NICE AND WARM THERE." ANNE SAYS, "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SMELL?" "JUST HOLD HIS LITTLE NOSE." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't mess with the old people... A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Iowa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Iowa. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' "The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first... I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart.... Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- There were five country churches in a small Queensland town: the Presbyterian Church ,the Baptist Church , the Methodist Church , the Catholic Church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and Synagogue was over run with pesky possums. One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the possums. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the possums were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. In the Baptist Church the possums had taken up habitation in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistry and drown the possums in it. The possums escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week. The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the possums and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the possums were back. But -- the Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the possums and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter. Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one possum and had a short service called circumcision. They haven't seen a possum on the property since. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied ... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Health care ... On the door to a Health Care Office: 'Sorry, this facility is not accessible to the financially handicapped.' I can no longer get that new drug my doctor ordered for me. It was recalled because a common side effect was lawsuits. My neighbour survived the operation; it was the bill that killed him. We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them. Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her. After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked, excitement pouring out with her voice. "No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. * Kaaki Sattai (Kollywood) * Hear Me Move (13 LVD) * Wild (16 LNSD) * Dying of the Light (18 LV) * Mortdecai (PG10-12 LSV) * Shaun the Sheep Movie (A) * The Remaining (16 VH) * American Sniper (IMAX) (16 LV) * Kill the Messenger (13 LD) * The Theory of Everything (PG7-9) "Well? What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesman." "A battery salesman?" cried the wife. "Yes," he replied, "She sells 'C' cells by the seashore!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, "They don't serve beer here, you moron!" The German fellow felt embarrassed, however he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle. "And what's so funny?" the New Yorker demands. "Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You came here for the food!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------