Newsletter and jokes 2 April 2015

Hi all 
The traffic out of Cape Town was already almost bumper to bumper by around  
3PM yesterday, and I saw several people doing stupid things ...  if you're  
on the roads over Easter please be careful... 
Which of course brings us to Fast & Furious 7... was Easter really the  
best time to release a movie like that? However it's got good ratings and  
the whole Paul Walker thing going for it, so it should do well... 
There's also local Afrikaans rom-com Strikdas, and the Disney live-action  
version of Cinderella for the kiddies. 
On the previews side, the new Nicholas Sparks adaptation The Longest Ride  
is screening at select venues next Wednesday ... see the Previews page and  
remember to book. 
M O V I E S 
2 April 2015 
* Komban (Tamil) 
* Nannbenda (Tamil) 
* Detective Byomkesh Bakshy! (Hindi) 
* Cinderella (PG) 	 
* Strikdas (PG) 
* Inherent Vice (18 LNSD) 	 
* Fast & Furious 7 (13 LV) 
* Fast & Furious 7 (IMAX) (13 LV)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
Added US and UK Top Tens  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 10 and 17 April  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (desktop for the gals)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
It was the last day of school before the Christmas break, and a 
kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's 
son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I 
know what it is. 
Some flowers." 
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" 
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said. 
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her 
gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of 
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. 
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. 
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held 
the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the 
leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine? "she 
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. 
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to 
her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. 
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. 
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it? 
"With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!" 
Dear Abby... 
Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a 
middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid 
twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man 
go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese? 
Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and 
Violence On My VCR? 
Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure 
the baby I'm carrying is his. 
Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the 
pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should 
share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money 
with him. 
Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when 
confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never 
happen again. 
Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was 
raised in a good Christian home turn against his own? 
Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I 
get out? 
Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an 
hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy. 
Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he 
drank until one night he came home sober. 
Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going 
through mental pause. 
Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in s*x 
to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in s*x and he 
is a doctor. Now what do I do? 
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept 
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby 
table.   My wife asked, "Do you know her?" 
"Yes," I sighed. "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to 
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she 
hasn't been sober since." 
"My land!" said my wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating 
that long?" 
So you see, there really are two ways to look at everything. 
Sam stood over his tee shot on the 350 yard 18th hole for what seemed an 
eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't 
start his back swing. 
Finally his exasperated partner asked,  "What in the world is taking so 
"My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony," Sam explained.  "I 
want to make a perfect shot." 
His companion exclaimed. "You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her 
from here." 
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.  One of them kept 
complaining of family problems. 
Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to 
my situation." 
"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got 
married and got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my 
stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother. And my father 
became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her 
"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was 
my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of 
my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made me the 
grand-father of my half-brother." 
"This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the half-sister of my 
son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father, the 
brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my 
stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my 
father's nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!" 
"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!" 
Success is not the key to happiness. 
Happiness is the key to success. 
If you love what you are doing, you will be happy and successful ... 

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