Newsletter and jokes 19 June 2015

Hi all 
Looks like 2015 is shaping up to be a year of records for the box office. 
After the stunning performances of Fast & Furious 7 and Avengers: Age of  
Ultron early this year, last weekend saw the record books rewritten  again. 
Here's a cut-and-paste from 
Universal is reporting that Jurassic World now holds the title of biggest  
domestic opening weekend of all time, grossing $208.8M at the box office,  
surpassing 2012's Marvel's The Avengers at $207.4M. 
Not content with North American triumphs World also now holds the title for  
the #1 international opening weekend in history as well, with an estimated  
$315.6M, besting Warner Bros. 2011 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,  
Part 2 at $314M. World was #1 in 66 territories and represented 70% of the  
total weekend box office around the globe. The film also laid claim to the  
title of Universal's highest-grossing international weekend, beating the  
previous record holder Furious 7 with $250.4M 
This all led to other firsts: Universal crossed the $1B mark at the domestic 
box office faster than any studio to date, beating the previous record  
achieved on June 22, 2008 by Paramount. Worldwide Universal smashed the  
record for reaching $3B worldwide, previously held by 20th Century Fox,  
on June 30, 2010.  
This week sees the highly anticipated Disney/Pixar release Inside Out,  
opening globally to excellent advance reviews. 
On the previews side, there's previews most places all weekend for The  
Rock's San Andreas disaster epic. See the previews page and remember to book. 
M O V I E S 
19 June 2015 
* Eli 	(Tamil) 
* ABCD 2 (3D) (Hindi) 
* Wild Card (16 LV) 	 
* True Story (PG10-12 L) 
* Inside Out (PG) 	 
* Inside Out (3D) (PG) 	 
* 5 Flights Up (PG7-9 L) 
* Insidious: Chapter 3 (13 H)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
Added US and UK Top Tens  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 26 June  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (for the gals)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
The wisdom of the Internet... 
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own 
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. 
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said 
"Implants?" She hit me. 
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty 
for Miss America ? 
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting 
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up 
in the first place! 
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk." 
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the 
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 
'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !! 
Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells 
live forever. 
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to 
the end, the faster it goes. 
Anti-man day again ... 
Men are like.... 
1. Men are like Laxatives . They irritate the cr@p out of you. 
2  Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are. 
3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. 
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars    Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right 
for your hips. 
6. Men are like Commercials  You can't believe a word they say. 
7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off! 
8. Men are like Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature. 
9. Men are like . Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 
10. Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 
11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many 
inches you'll get or how long it will last. 
12. Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright. 
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are 
At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage  
seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was 
approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share 
some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all 
these years. 
Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've tried to treat her 
nice, spend the money on her, but best of all is that I took-a her to 
Italy for the 20th anniversary!" 
The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the 
husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 
50th anniversary." 
Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go and get her." 
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. 
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. 
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. 
The owner looked at her and said, 
"Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of 
Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." 
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. 
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited 
for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and 
said, "New house, new madam." 
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's 
really not so bad." 
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, 
"New house, new madam, new girls." 
The girls and the woman began to laugh about the situation considering how 
and where the parrot had been raised. 
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. The bird 
looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith!" 
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with 
great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic 
husband had settled down on the couch. 
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he 
replied, 'It's Lent.' 
In tears, she remarked, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have 
ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long? 

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