Newsletter and jokes 23 October 2015

Hi all 
Another full lineup, including the highly anticipated Afrikaans film Dis Ek, 
Anna. There's also a new local rom-com. 
The rest of the lineup has one strong release, with the rest nothing to rave 
about (don't know about the Indian titles). 
For this weekend only, the kiddies can catch the original Disney Jungle Book. 
On the previews side, there are single previews for Goosebumps on Saturday, 
and a few for Crimson Peak next Thursday. See the previews page and  
remember to book. 
M O V I E S 
23 October 2015 
* The Diary of a Teenage Girl (18 LSD) 	 
* Burnt (13 L) 
* The Jakes Are Missing (PG) 	 
* Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (13 LH) 
* Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (3D) (13 LH) 
* Dis Ek, Anna (16 LV) 	 
* Shandaar (Hindi) 	 
* Molly Moon and the Incredible Book of Hypnotism (PG) 
* The Jungle Book (A) 	 
* 10 Endrathukulla (Tamil) 
* The Walk (16 LV) (2D version, 3D and IMAX already on circuit)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
Added US and UK Top Tens  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 23 October.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (wallpaper for the gals)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental 
agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having 
difficulty in finding a new home. 
When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because 
they knew that the children would destroy the home. 
He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, 
lawyers cannot and do not lie. 
So, he had an idea: he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 
He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the Real Estate Agent. 
He liked one of the homes and the agent asked: "How many children do you 
He answered: "12 children". 
The agent asked "Where are the others ? 
The lawyer answered, with a sad look, "They are in the cemetery with their 
And that's the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying 
MORAL: It is not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words. 
Lawyers don't lie ..they are creative .... 
What do you call people who immigrate to Sweden? 
Artificial Swedeners. 
Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench  outside the local town 
hall where a flower show was in  progress. 
The thin one  leaned over and  Said, 'Life is so darned boring.  We never 
have any fun any more.  For $10 I'd take my clothes off  and streak 
through that stupid flower show!' 
'You're on!' said the  other old lady, holding up a $10 bill. The first 
little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely 
 naked, streaked  (as fast as an old  lady can)  through the front door of 
 the flower show. 
Waiting  outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, 
Followed by loud applause and  shrill whistling. The smiling and naked  Old 
lady came through the exit door surrounded by a  cheering crowd. 
'What  happened?' asked her waiting friend. 
'I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement.' 
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. 
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70 
points or none at all. One student in particular was hard put to think of 
seven advantages. 
He wrote: 
1.) It is perfect formula for the child. 
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases. 
3.) It is always the right temperature. 
4.) It is inexpensive. 
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 
6.) It is always available as needed. 
And then, the student was stuck.  Finally, in desperation, just before the 
bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote... 
7.) It comes in cute containers. 
He got an A. 
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58PM.  He sat down 
next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.  The 10:00 PM news 
was coming on.  The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of 
a large Building preparing to jump. 
The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?' 
Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.' 
The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.' 
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!' 
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a 
swandive off the building, falling to his death.  The blonde was very 
but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair'sfair. Here's your 
Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news 
and so I knew he would jump.' 
The blonde replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.' 
Bob took the money. 
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared 
offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with 
As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist 
was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her 
his name. 
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, 'YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; 
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at 
the very embarrassed man. 
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME 

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