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Newsletter and jokes: 23 October 2015



Hi all

Another full lineup, including the highly anticipated Afrikaans film Dis Ek,
Anna. There's also a new local rom-com.

The rest of the lineup has one strong release, with the rest nothing to rave
about (don't know about the Indian titles).

For this weekend only, the kiddies can catch the original Disney Jungle Book.

On the previews side, there are single previews for Goosebumps on Saturday,
and a few for Crimson Peak next Thursday. See the previews page and 
remember to book.

M O V I E S

23 October 2015

* The Diary of a Teenage Girl (18 LSD) 	
* Burnt (13 L)
* The Jakes Are Missing (PG) 	
* Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (13 LH)
* Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (3D) (13 LH)
* Dis Ek, Anna (16 LV) 	
* Shandaar (Hindi) 	
* Molly Moon and the Incredible Book of Hypnotism (PG)
* The Jungle Book (A) 	
* 10 Endrathukulla (Tamil)
* The Walk (16 LV) (2D version, 3D and IMAX already on circuit)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Added US and UK Top Tens
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 23 October.

http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (wallpaper for the gals)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental
agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having
difficulty in finding a new home.

When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because
they knew that the children would destroy the home.

He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all,
lawyers cannot and do not lie.

So, he had an idea: he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11
children.

He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the Real Estate Agent.
He liked one of the homes and the agent asked: "How many children do you
have?"

He answered: "12 children".

The agent asked "Where are the others ?

The lawyer answered, with a sad look, "They are in the cemetery with their
mother".

And that's the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying

MORAL: It is not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words.

Lawyers don't lie ..they are creative ....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------


What do you call people who immigrate to Sweden?

Artificial Swedeners.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench  outside the local town
hall where a flower show was in  progress.

The thin one  leaned over and  Said, 'Life is so darned boring.  We never
have any fun any more.  For $10 I'd take my clothes off  and streak
through that stupid flower show!'

'You're on!' said the  other old lady, holding up a $10 bill. The first
little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely
 naked, streaked  (as fast as an old  lady can)  through the front door of
 the flower show.

Waiting  outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall,
Followed by loud applause and  shrill whistling. The smiling and naked  Old
lady came through the exit door surrounded by a  cheering crowd.

'What  happened?' asked her waiting friend.

'I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.

The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70
points or none at all. One student in particular was hard put to think of
seven advantages.

He wrote:

1.) It is perfect formula for the child.
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3.) It is always the right temperature.
4.) It is inexpensive.
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6.) It is always available as needed.

And then, the student was stuck.  Finally, in desperation, just before the
bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...
7.) It comes in cute containers.

He got an A.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58PM.  He sat down
next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.  The 10:00 PM news
was coming on.  The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of
a large Building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?'

Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'

The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.'

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a
swandive off the building, falling to his death.  The blonde was very
upset,
but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair'sfair. Here's your
money.'

Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news
and so I knew he would jump.'

The blonde replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.'

Bob took the money.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared
offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with
patients.

As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist
was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her
his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, 'YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at
the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME
TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR
THAT DID YOURS.'

DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Paranormal Activity: The Ghost DimensionThe Jungle BookDis Ek, AnnaShaandaarMolly MoonDiary of a Teenage GirlThe Jakes Are Missing10 Endrathukulla
Newsletter
BurntParanormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (3D)The Walk
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