Newsletter and jokes 27 November 2015

Hi all 
Bond is back again, in possibly the last outing for Daniel Craig. The rest 
of the lineup is a bit of a mixed bag of small releases, none particularly 
inspiring apart from the arthouse release.  
On the previews side there are previews all over next Thursday for Creed,  
the latest installment of the Rocky saga, with Rocky now a coach. Reviews 
overseas have been good. 
There are also some previews at one venue for The Peanuts Movie. See the  
Previews page and remember to book. 
M O V I E S 
27 November 2015 
* Tamasha (Hindi) 	 
* Rock the Kasbah (13 L) 
* Spectre (13 V) 	 
* Spectre (IMAX) (13 V) 	 
* Before We Go (PG10-12 L) 
* Return to Sender (16 L SV) 
* Testament of Youth (PG10-12)  
Forthcoming attractions for 4 December 2015  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
Added US and UK Top Tens  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 27 November.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (nice wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint in Harwich, 
Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and tells them: 
"I can't let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. 
Quattro means four.. 
One of you will have to get out and stay behind." 
"Quattro is just the name of the car," the driver replies disbelievingly. 
"Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons." 
"You cannot pull that one on me. This is Tracey you're talking to here," 
she replies with a smile. 
"Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore 
breaking the law. 
So I can't let you onto the ferry. It's more than my job's worth to let you 
all on." 
The driver is now very cross and replies angrily, 
"I've had enough of you. Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to 
someone with more intelligence!" 
"Sorry," responds Tracey, "but Sharon is busy with those two blokes in the 
Fiat Uno." 
Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for the airport leaned over to 
ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his 
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up 
over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For 
a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver 
"Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the living daylights out of me." 
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't 
realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly." 
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my 
fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse 
for 25 years." 
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the 
villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers seeing 
that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started 
catching them. 
The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the 
villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy 
at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching 
monkeys again. 
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to 
their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys 
became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone 
catch it! 
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he 
had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his 
In the man's absence, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these 
monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to 
you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to 
him for $50 each." 
The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. 
Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere! 
Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works. 
The irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded to know 
where her Sunday edition was. 
Ma'am, said the employee, today is Sat*rday. The Sunday paper is not 
delivered until Sunday. 
There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of 
"I'll bet that's why no one was in church today too." 
'I am your Doctor. Sorry to inform you that you have a brain problem. 
Your brain is in 2 parts... Left and right. 
The left part has nothing right in it, and the right has nothing left in 

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