Newsletter and jokes 5 February 2016

Hi all 
More Oscar goodness on offer this week, with Spotlight, which got noms for 
best pictures, director, and script, amongst others. Also up is Kate  
Winslet stirring things up Down Under, and a sea rescue drama from Disney. 
I'll say nothing about The Choice until we see how it does .... 
There are lots of previews next Thursday for How to be Single, see the  
Previews page and remember to book. 
M O V I E S 
5 February 2016 
Spotlight (PG10-12 L) 	 
The Choice (PG10-12) 	 
The Dressmaker (13 LV) 	 
The Finest Hours (PG10-12 V) 
The Finest Hours (3D) (PG10-12 V) 
The Finest Hours (3D)(IMAX) (PG10-12 V) 
Sanam Teri Kasam (Hindi)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
Added US and UK Top Tens  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 12 February.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (for the guys)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Monica Lewinsky released the following statement on Hilary Clinton's run 
for President: 
"I will not vote for Hilary Clinton. The last Clinton presidency left a bad 
taste in my mouth. As we get closer to the 2016 election year, citizens 
must remember that they cannot even trust Hillary Clinton to create 
American jobs. The last time she had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to 
me and I simply blew it." 
An 80-year-old Scotsman went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor was 
amazed at what good shape the old fellow was in and asked: 'How do you 
stay in such great physical condition?' 
'I am Scottish and I am a golfer,' said the old fellow: 'and that is why I 
am in such good shape.  I am up well before daylight and out golfing up 
and down the fairways.  I have a wee glass of whisky, and all is well.' 
'Well,' said the doctor, 'I am sure that helps, but there has to be more to 
it. How old was your Dad when he died?' 
'Who said my Da's deid?' 
The doctor was amazed. 'You mean you are 80 years old and your Dad is still 
alive. How old is he?' 
'He is 100 years old,' said the old Scottish golfer. 'In fact he golfed wi' 
me this mornin', and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had 
anither wee dram and that is why he is still alive. He is a Scot and he is 
a golfer, too.' 
'Well,' the doctor said, 'that is great, but I am sure there is more to it 
than that. How about your Dad's Dad?  How old was he when he died?' 
'Who said my grandad is deid?' 
Stunned, the doctor asked, 'You mean you are 80 years old and your 
grandfather is still living!  Incredible, how old is he?' 
He is 118 years old,' said the old Scottish golfer. 
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point: 'So, I guess he went 
golfing with you this morning too?' 
'No. Grandad could nae go this mornin' because he is getting married 
At this point the doctor was close to losing it. 
'Getting married!!  Why would a 118 year- old bloke want to get married?' 
'Who said he wanted to?' 
I have been so depressed lately that my wife threatened to leave me. 
Even that didn't cheer me up. 
During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four 
religious truths: 
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people. 
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian 
4. Baptists do not recognize each other in liquor stores. 
A man woke up in hospital after a car accident to find that the left hand 
side of his body had been amputated. 
No need for concern though. 
(I apologise for this in advance ... I am really very sorry ...) 
The doctors said that he'll be alright. 

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