Newsletter and jokes 26 February 2016

Hi all 
A rather full lineup this week, with a good dose of horror, and one Oscar 
hopeful. Speaking of which, those awards takes place on Sunday, with the  
Razzies as usual on Saturday night. 
This week's big release is actually aimed at the kids, but it's not your 
typical kiddie movie, more like "Transformers in ancient Egypt". 
There are previews all over all day Saturday for the upcoming animated film 
Zootropolis, in both 2D and 3D. See the previews page and remember to book. 
M O V I E S 
26 February 2016 
Room (13 L) 	 
Grimsby (16 LSVD) 
Solace (16 LSV) 	 
The Boy (13 VH) 
Die Ontwaking (16 LV) 
Gods of Egypt (PG7-9 V) 
Gods of Egypt (3D) (PG7-9 V) 
Gods of Egypt (4DX) (PG7-9 V) 
Gods of Egypt (3D)(IMAX) (PG7-9 V) 
Tere Bin Laden Dead or Alive (Hindi)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
Added US and UK Top Tens  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 4 March.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Hot for the gals!)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has  
to be taken for the rest of my life?" 
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her. 
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, 
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this  
prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.." 
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he 
insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. 
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. 
"Yes, Dad , what is it?" 
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go  
well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live  
with you and your wife...." 
Ah, being young is beautiful, 
but being old is comfortable. 
First you forget names, 
then you forget faces. 
Then you forget to pull up your zipper... 
it's worse when you forget to pull it down. 
A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the 
60's together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting 
the palace is finally finished. It's perfect - marble, chandeliers, and 
concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the 
billionaire sends out his invitations. A few weeks later he sees Jefferson 
Airplane, The Beatles, Jimmy Hendrix and a hoard of 60's luminaries 
standing in the grass, but none are coming inside. Paul McCartney is 
playing cards with Mick Jagger. 
The billionaire is stunned. "I've spent a year building this palace, 
making it perfect in every detail for the best musicians the 60's has ever 
known. Why won't you come inside?" 
John Lennon adjusts his glasses and calls out: "You forgot The Doors." 
For those of my generation who do not and cannot comprehend why Facebook 
I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same 
principles. Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passersby 
what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night 
before, what I will do later, and with whom. 
I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking 
things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of 
landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what anybody and 
everybody does every day. 
I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell 
them I like them. 
And it works just like Facebook. I already have four people following me: 
two police officers, a private investigator, and a psychiatrist. 
Mr. Peabody, the local banker, saw his old friend Tom, an 80-year-old 
rancher, in town. 
Tom had lost his wife the year before. Rumor had it he was marrying a 'mail 
order' bride. 
Mr. Peabody asked Tom if the rumor was true. l 
Tom replied, "Yes, it is true." 
Mr. Peabody asked, "May I ask the age of your new bride to be?" 
Tom replied, "She'll be 21 in November." 
Mr. Peabody, being a wise man, knew the s*xual appetite of a young woman 
could not be satisfied by an 80-year-old man. 
Mr. Peabody wanted Tom's remaining years to be happy. So he tactfully 
suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on 
the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course. 
Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for a hired hand 
that very afternoon. 
Four months later, Mr. Peabody saw Tom in town again. 
Mr. Peabody asked, "How is your new wife?" 
Tom replied, "Good. She's pregnant." 
Mr. Peabody was pleased his sage advice had worked out so well. 
He asked, "And how's the hired hand?" 
Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant too!" 
Never underestimate old men. 

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