Newsletter and jokes 15 April 2016

Hi all 
Mowgli and friends are back this week in the all-new version of The Jungle 
Book. Initial reviews, as well as audience approval, are good, so it's set 
to do well. The other releases are a bit more disappointing and aimed at 
smaller target audiences. 
Just note that this version of the Jungle Book is far removed from the well- 
known 1967 version, and is not suitable for the ankle-biters... it will be 
too dark and intense for them, especially in the 3D/4D versions.  
Age rating is PG10-12 V. 
M O V I E S 
15 April 2016 
* Fan 
* Criminal (16 V) 
* The Forest (13 VH) 
* High Strung (PG) 
* The Adderall Diaries (16 LSV) 	 
* The Jungle Book (PG10-12 V) 
* The Jungle Book (3D) (PG10-12 V) 
* The Jungle Book (4DX) (PG10-12 V) 
* The Jungle Book (3D)(IMAX) (PG10-12 V)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 15 April.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Full-HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Don't know if it's true but it's a nice story anyway ... 
When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a white 
professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always 
displayed prejudice and animosity towards him. 
Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him , as he 
expected.... there were always "arguments" and confrontations. 
One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, 
and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The 
professor said, "Mr Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not 
sit together to eat." 
Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, 
"You do not worry professor. I'll fly away," and he went and sat at another 
Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test 
paper, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions. Mr. Peters, 
unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. "Mr Gandhi, if 
you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag 
of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?" 
Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, "The one with the money, of 
Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said, "I, in your place, would have 
taken the wisdom, don't you think?" 
Gandhi shrugged indifferently and responded, "Each one takes what he 
doesn't have." 
Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he 
wrote on Gandhi's exam sheet the word "idiot" and gave it to Gandhi. Gandhi 
took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain 
calm while he contemplated his next move. 
A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him 
in a dignified polite tone, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did 
not give me the grade." 
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was 
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to 
be an optical Aleutian. 
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still. 
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a 
weapon of math disruption. 
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his 
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum 
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 
10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking 
into it. 
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the 
other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.' 
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 
'Keep off the Grass.' 
15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his 
grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, 
a nurse said, 'No change yet.' 
16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 
17. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, 
he just didn't have the balls to do it. 
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at 
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned 
20. A backward poet writes inverse. 
21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count 
that votes. 
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 
23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects! 
If smoking is bad for  you, how come it cures salmon? 
I would just like to say  a big thank you to all those wonderful young 
people who stand on  motorway slip roads (and in any weather) holding up 
boards telling us  motorists where they lead to. 
A young Italian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that 
he is going to get married. He says 'Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring 
over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry.' 
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the 
house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then 
says, 'Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry?' She immediately 
replies,'The one on the right.' 
'That's amazing, Ma You're right. 
How did you know?' 
The Italian mother replies, 'I don't like her.' 

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