Newsletter and jokes 29 April 2016

Hi all 
Another long weekend to ensure packed malls.... speaking of which, we added 
the new venue at Mall of Africa to the lineups. I hear it was a little busy 
there the last few days... :-) 
Anway over at the movies, the big release is the kickoff of the US summer 
movie season, so we're actually getting to see it before the Yanks.  
Featuring a full lineup of Marvel comic book heroes, and showing in all the 
current formats, it looks to do well. 
There's also a new animated release for the kiddies, but don't think it will 
be challenging Zootropolis any time soon. Zootropolis is doing very well, 
both locally (where is it currently doing better than Batman v Superman,  
despite being on circuit for longer) and in the USA, and has now passed 
over 900 M$ globally. 
The other new releases, including a new local inter-racial love story, are 
aimed at niche markets. 
There are a few previews next week for the upcoming Afrikaans film Uitvlucht, 
I'll see if I can get the page built and update the showtimes tonight or  
tomorrow. Been a bit hectic domestically the last few days. 
M O V I E S 
Released 29 April 2016 
* Jane Got a Gun (16 LV) 
Released 27 April 2016 
* Baaghi: A Rebel for Love 
* Queen of the Desert (PG7-9) 
* Free State (PG10-12 LVP) 
* Ratchet & Clank (PG V) 
* Ratchet & Clank (3D) (PG V) 
* Captain America: Civil War (PG10-12 V) 
* Captain America: Civil War (3D) (PG10-12 V) 
* Captain America: Civil War (4DX) (PG10-12 V) 
* Captain America: Civil War (3D)(IMAX) (PG10-12 V)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 6 May.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Full HD wallpaper for the guys)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A couple who work at the Circus go to an adoption agency. 
Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. 
The couple produce photos of their 50 foot motorhome,which is equipped with 
a beautiful nursery. 
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child 
would get. 
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the 
usual subjects  along with French, Mandarin and computer skills." 
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment. 
"Our nanny is an expert in pediatric welfare and diet." 
The social workers are finally satisfied. 
They ask,"What age child are you hoping to adopt?" 
"It doesn't really matter,as long as he fits in the cannon. 
A police recruit was asked during the exam, 
"What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" 
He answered, "Call for backup." 
An oldie ... 
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to 
send him flowers for the occasion. 
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, 'Rest in 
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.  After he had told 
the florist of the obvious mistake 
and how angry he was, the florist replied, 'Sir, I'm really sorry for  
the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this.  
Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with  
a note saying, 
'Congratulations on your new location!' 
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" 
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, 
"All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always 
The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?" 
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, 
a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it. 
The teacher got a coughing fit and had to leave the room. 
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated 
each other. 
When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep 
into the night. 
The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the 
grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!' Neighbours 
feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many 
strange occurrences that took place in their neighbourhood. 
The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he 
died of a heart attack when he was 98. 
His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went 
straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. 
Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he 
may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to 
haunt you for the rest of your life?' 
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried upside 
Darn women they think of everything!!!! 

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