Hi all Suicide Squad opens all over today. They're expecting big things from it States side (also releasing today), even though the press reviews were pretty miserable. It's already set the record for biggest August release (number of cinemas) there. We'll have to see how it plays here. The rest of the lineup is smaller releases, including a new South African film, as well as more Le Carre on the arthouse circuit. There are previews all day Tuesday for Florence Foster Jenkins, see the previews page and remember to book ... If you're off on Monday, enjoy the break. :-) M O V I E S Released 5 August 2016 * Suicide Squad (PG10-12 LV) * Suicide Squad (3D) (PG10-12 LV) * Suicide Squad (3D)(IMAX) (PG10-12 LV) * Suicide Squad (4DX) (PG10-12 LV) * My Father's War (PG10-12) * Our Kind of Traitor (16 LV) * The Meddler (PG7-9 D) * Fever (Hindi) http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit) http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily. http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia) http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm Forthcoming attractions for 12 August. http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm Updated the pic and quote on the home page http://www.moviesite.co.za/ This Week's pinup http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (for the guys) Pick of the Week http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first. http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm List of all movies showing http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm Same list sorted by Age Restriction http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) Cheers, Ian -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I got my gun permit so -- Yesterday, I went over to the local Walmart to get a small 9 mm for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!!! I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer. I still don't think I looked that bad. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wife: I wish I were a newspaper so I'd be in your hands all day. Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, so I could have a new one every day! Husband to wife "Today is a fine day." Next day he says: "Today is a fine day." Again next day, he says same thing "Today is a fine day." Finally after a week, the wife asks her husband "Since last week, you are saying today is a fine day. I am fed up. Whats the matter?" Husband: "Last week when we had an argument, you said, I will leave you one fine day. I was just trying to remind you." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of petrol. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings." "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh." See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.. I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse. And while we're on the topic ... sign on a music teacher's door: Orff Chopin with Listz, Bach in a minuet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A travelling salesman's car broke down so he found his way to the farmer's house. They welcomed him and offered him a glass of lemonade while Junior fixed his jalopy. The salesman noticed a pig sitting by the edge of the porch that had only two legs. He asked about it. "Well," said the farmer, "That's Henry. He's no ordinary pig. Last year we was all a-sleepin' when the house caught fire. Henry come a-running' in and woke us all up and saved every last one of us from a fiery death. No sir, he's no ordinary pig. Then, around Christmas, I fell under the tractor and woulda been chewed up somethin' fierce if Henry hadn't seen it and dragged me out in the nick of time. Why, just last month the banker come around to take away the farm and Henry run him off and we never seen him again. Yes sir, Henry is no ordinary pig, that's for sure." The salesman was humbled. "But why does he only have two legs?" he asked. "Well, you see, son," said the farmer, "A pig like that you don't eat all at once." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Some quickies... Evidence has been found that William Tell and his whole family were avid bowlers. However, since all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" "Now, settle down," replied the doc calmly, "You'll just have to be a little patient." An Indian chief, feeling very sick, summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on." A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage to find his name missing from the town register. His wife loudly complained about the insult, and a civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census." A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"