Newsletter and jokes 26 August 2016

Hi all 
Alright, Saturday afternoon already ... last half of the week was rather hectic, 
finally catching up. 
Over at the movies we have the latest installment in the Star Trek series, which 
got generally good reviews even if it didn't set any box office records. So 
there will probably be another episode in due course :-) 
Speaking of records and reviews, Suicide Squad got so-so reviews all over but 
is doing very well at the box office, both here and in the USA. We'll have to  
see if it can fend off the Trekkies this week. 
Also up this week are two new SA releases, aimed at dramatically different  
markets. Rounding out the lineup we have the second episode in the rebooted 
Mechanic series, which has been kept away from the press before release, as  
well as a family movie which unfortunately has been poorly received. Lastly 
we have a Jaws-type story, and a new Bollywood release. 
Enjoy :-) 
M O V I E S 
Released 16 August 2016 
* Star Trek Beyond (PG10-12 V) 
* Star Trek Beyond (3D) (PG10-12 V) 
* Star Trek Beyond (3D)(IMAX) (PG10-12 V) 
* Star Trek Beyond (4DX) (PG10-12 V) 
* Mechanic: Resurrection (16 LV) 
* Dis Koue Kos, Skat (13 L) 
* Nine Lives (PG) 
* Dora's Peace (16 LV) 
* The Shallows (16 VH) 
* A Flying Jatt  (Hindi)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 2 September.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (for the guys)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Had great difficulty finding jokes this week... perhaps all the troubles in  
the world are reflected in the lack of new humour. 
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. He enjoys his beer for 
some time, until a voice reaches his ears, "Mate, love your haircut". 
Perplexed, he looks around, and sees only the regulars at the far end of 
the bar. Deciding it might have been someone leaving, he continues 
Not too long after, he hears the voice again, "Nice shirt buddy, goes with 
the hair". 
Truly bewildered he calls over the barman and asks him what's going on, 
who's talking to him? 
The barman looks at him then points at a bowl on the bar, "Don't stress 
mate -- that's just the complimentary peanuts". 
A model railway in the park near us caught fire yesterday. The flames could 
be seen nearly five feet away. 
If you're chased by a police dog, don't go through a tunnel, on a little 
seesaw & jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that. 
Stopped a woman for dodgy driving. "where are your glasses" I said. "I have 
contacts" she said. "Don't threaten me!" I replied. 
Just remember some of us will get there too.... 
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very 
elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied, 
'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She 
responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it? 
Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the 
best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No 
peer pressure.' 
The nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter eggs. 
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, So I got my doctor's 
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take 
an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and 
down, and perspired for an hour. But, By the time I got my leotards on, 
The class was over. 
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp 
as it used to be. 
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. 
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. 
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, ' For fast 
The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees,  
then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally,  
after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand  
All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching.  
"What club should I use now?" he asked the pro.  
"I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?" 
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he  
called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is  
it or the express degree you told me about?" 
"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon,  
why do you want to become a lawyer?" 
"That's my business! Get me the course!" 
Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer  
was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid. 
Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and  
it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the  
lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late,  
tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before  
you died?" 
In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said,  
"One less lawyer . . ." 
Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man 
with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. 
During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most 
of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed 
there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few 
seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule. 
4 minutes later: 
The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat 
and, without stopping, continued to walk. 
6 minutes: 
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his 
watch and started to walk again. 
10 minutes: 
A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid 
stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the 
child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was 
repeated by several other children. 
Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly. 
45 minutes: 
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a 
short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal 
pace. The man collected a total of $32. 
1 hour: 
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one 
applauded, nor was there any recognition. 
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest 
musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever 
written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua 
Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100. 
This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station 
was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about 
perception, taste and people's priorities . The questions raised: in a 
common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? 
Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected 
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we 
do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in 
the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the 
most beautiful instruments ever made ... How many other things are we 

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