Newsletter and jokes 2 September 2016

Hi all 
RIP Gene Wilder. 
This week features mostly smaller releases, with one wide Hollywood comedy. 
We've got two Afrikaans films (one dubbed, for the kids, and one a gritty 
gangster drama). 
Then we have some more selective releases (meaning the target market is smaller) 
including some which are also releasing States-side today. 
Suicide Squad managed to hold onto the top position last weekend, fending off 
both big newcomers.  
Not on the list below, but there are also isolated screenings for another SA 
documentary-drama, Picking Up the Pieces: Khuli Chana Story, that I couldn't  
find enough on to build a page.  
Lastly, the annual Cannes Lions Edit 2016 (best ads in the world) has started  
circulating, only one print, currently at The Zone in Sandton. Will presumably  
move around the country in due course. 
Enjoy :-) 
M O V I E S 
Released 2 September 2016 
* The 9th Life of Louis Drax (13 LV) 
* Noem My Skollie (16 DLV SV) 
* War Dogs (16 LVD) 
* Heidi (PG) 
* The Light Between Oceans (PG10-12) 
* Morgan (16 LV) 
* Akira (Hindi)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 9 September.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (for the gals)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? 
Do you suffer from shyness? 
Do you  sometimes wish you were more assertive? 
If you answered 'yes' to  any of these questions, ask your doctor or 
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with a regimen of  regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that 
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Cabernet Sauvignon  may not be  right for everyone. Women who are pregnant 
or nursing should not use it.  However, women who wouldn't mind nursing, or 
becoming pregnant, are encouraged to try it. 
Side effects may include: 
Dizziness, nausea,  vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of 
clothing, loss  of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, 
table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing 
Karaoke and play all-night  rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked 
The consumption of Cabernet  Sauvignon may  make you think you are 
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The consumption of  Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your  friends 
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The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may  cause you to think you can sing. 
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Please feel free to share this  important information with as many people 
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Now  just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz or  
Merlot...Live  the dream! 
Husband:* *Oh, come on.* 
Wife: **Leave me alone!* 
Husband:* *It won't take long.* 
Wife:* *I won't be able to sleep afterwards.* 
Husband:* *I can't sleep without it.* 
Wife: **Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night? * 
Husband:* *Because I'm hot. * 
Wife: **You get hot at the darnedest times.* 
Husband:* *If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.* 
Wife: **If you love me you'd be more considerate.* 
Husband:* *You don't love me anymore.* 
Wife:* *Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight. * 
Husband: **Please...go on. * 
Wife: **All right, I'll do it. * 
Husband: **What's the matter? You need a flashlight?* 
Wife:* *I can't find it in the dark. * 
Husband:* *Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!* 
Wife: **There! Are you satisfied?* 
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Wife: **Is it up far enough?* 
Husband:** Yeah! that's good. * 
Wife:* *Right! Now go to sleep**.* 
And the next time you want the darn window open, do it yourself. * 
Mmm that reminds of this very old oldie ... 
My First Time 
The sky was dark 
The moon was high 
All alone just she and I. 
Her hair was soft 
Her eyes were blue 
I knew just what she wanted to do. 
Her skin so soft 
Her legs so fine 
I ran my fingers down her spine. 
I didn't know how 
But I tried my best 
I started by placing my hands on her breast. 
I remember my fear my fast beating heart 
But slowly she spread her legs apart 
And when I did it I felt no shame. 
All at once the white stuff came 
At last it's finished it's all over now 
My first time ever at milking a cow..... 
Note: yes I know: blue eyes???? 
Robert Lucas and Rita Cohen met while both were undergraduates at the 
University of Chicago, and they got married in 1959. They had two sons 
together, but eventually things didn't work out. They separated in 1982, 
and divorced a few years later, citing "irreconcilable differences." 
But Rita evidently had faith in Robert's talent, because she instructed her 
lawyer, to add a clause to the divorce settlement, specifying that if 
Robert won the Nobel Prize by October 31, 1995, she would receive half of 
the prize money. 
Robert was awarded the Nobel Prize in economics on October 10, 1995 
-- justĀ 21 days before the clause would have expired, and received $1 
million prize money. 
Asked about having to pay half the prize to his ex-wife, he noted 
philosophically that, "A deal is a deal." But added, "Maybe if I'd known 
I'd win, I would have resisted the clause, and saved myself $500,000." 
Health experts say red meat is the worst for your health. Surely not as bad 
as furry green meat. 
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the 
Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It 
happened again the next week. The following 
Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady 
put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks 
until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. 
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the 
collection plate," he stated. 
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some 
of it to the church." 
The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" 
The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week." 
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a 
"He is a veterinarian," she answered. 
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he 
The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las 
Vegas and one in Reno ." 

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