Newsletter and jokes 7 October 2016

Hi all 
The tail end of the holidays before the final end of year rush. 
Over at the movies the big release is another production from the creative  
mind of Tim Burton, this time without Johnny Depp or Helena Bonham-Carter. It 
opened quite well in the USA last week. 
On the more adult side we have Woody Allen's latest, as well as a mystery 
which has had mixed reviews overseas, it looks like one of those movies which 
are difficult to predict how they will do. 
Then we have a doccie on Australian gospel group Hillsong, with two Indian 
movies rounding out the lineup. 
Enjoy :-) 
M O V I E S 
Released 7 October 2016 
* Café Society (PG10-12 V) 
* The Girl on the Train (16 LSVD) 
* Hillsong: Let Hope Rise (A) 
* Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (PG10-12 VH) 
* Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (3D) (PG10-12 VH) 
* Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (4DX) (PG10-12 VH) 
* Mirzya: Dare to Love (Hindi) 
* Remo (Tamil)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 14 October.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (for the guys)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
 Random thoughts from people 20-35 years old 
- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think 
about is that I can't wait for them to finish so  that I can tell my own 
story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. 
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realise 
you're wrong. 
- I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to 
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire  with flint and sticks 
when they've invented the lighter? 
- Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you're going 
in the complete opposite direction of where you  are supposed to be going? 
But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from 
which you came, you have  to first do something like check your watch or 
phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no 
one  in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching 
directions on the sidewalk. 
- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was 
- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" 
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I  deliberately choose not 
to be friends with? 
- Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't 
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that  would magically fix 
the problem. Every kid did that, but how did we all know how to fix the 
problem? There was no internet or  message boards or FAQ's. We just 
figured it out. Today's kids are soft. 
- There is a great need for a sarcasm font. 
- Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and 
suddenly realise I had no idea what the heck was going  on when I first 
saw it. 
- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes 
stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end  up wasting 90 minutes 
shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right 
parts, then making sure I  laugh just a little bit harder (and a 
millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, 
really gets it. 
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your 
computer history if you die. 
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to 
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I 
hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary  smart". 
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and 
smile because you still didn't hear what they said? 
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to 
prevent someone from cutting in at the front. Stay  strong, brothers! 
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, 
I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a  complete idiot. Today I 
had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as 
in...(10 second  lapse)..ummm...Goonies". 
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the 
person died. 
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower 
first and THEN turn on the water. 
- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and 
you can wear them forever. 
- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 
- Bad decisions make good stories. 
- Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile 
is public, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning  that just got the Red 
Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! 
- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go 
around and say their name and where they are from, I  get so incredibly 
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a 
problem . 
- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when 
you've made up your mind that you just aren't  doing anything productive 
for the rest of the day. 
- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want 
to have to restart my collection. 
- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going 
to die after leaning your chair back a little too  far. 
- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I 
want to save any changes to my ten page research  paper that I swear I did 
not make any changes to. 
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever. 
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing 
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. 
- When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't 
already told me but that I have learned from some  light internet 
- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I 
like about one in every fifteen songs in my  iTunes. 
- As a driver I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no 
matter what the mode of transportation, I always  hate cyclists. 
- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not 
know what time it is. 
- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to 
answer when they call. 
- I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 
The petrol attendant says "Sorry we're closed". 
I said "but your sign says open 24 hours". 
He says "Yes, but not in a row". 
Not sure if I've said this before, but.... a clear consience is a sign of a 
bad memory. 
A Korean company recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an 
instant noodle snack. It's called 'Not Poodle'. 
Sexual harrassment is a really touchy subject. 
This was sent around from Thomas Cook Holidays - listing some of the 
guest's complaints during the season. 
1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store 
does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." 
2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often 
needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned." 
3. "On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost 
every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all." 
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to 
bring our swimming costumes and towels." 
5. A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who 
spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this 
rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate". 
6. A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked 
in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on 
the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room. 
7. "The beach was too sandy." 
8. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure 
shows the sand as yellow but it was white." 
9. A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and 
strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time. 
10. "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was 
ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women." 
11. "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street 
trader, only to find out they were fake." 
12. "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were 
13. "There was no egg slicer in the apartment..." 
14. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as 
they were all Spanish..." 
15. "The roads were uneven.." 
16. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took 
the Americans three hours to get home." 
17. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' 
three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller." 
18. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're 
trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?" 
19. "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. 
The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners." 
20. "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning." 
21. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly 
guests before we travel." 
22. "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite." 
23. "My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a 
double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find 
myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the 
room that we booked." 

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