Newsletter and jokes 18 November 2016

Hi all 
The height of exam season and the run-up to the holidays... 
So to distract you from studying there's previews all day Saturday and Sunday  
for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, as well as all day Saturday for  
Vir die Voëls. Enjoy. 
Releasing this week we get Mel Gibson back in Mad Max mode, as well as action 
comedy with a Jackie Chan cop-buddy caper. For the kiddies we have Max Steel, 
a wartime drama on the art circuit, and two releases from the Indian  
And finally, we have Mozart's Don Giovanni opera at selected venues. 
Enjoy :-) 
M O V I E S 
Released 18 November 2016 
* Alone in Berlin (PG10-12 V) 
* Max Steel (10 V) 
* Blood Father (16 LV) 
* Skiptrace (PG10-12 V) 
* Force 2 (Hindi) 
* Pulimurugan (Malayalam)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 25 November.  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (for the guys)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
      If Hilary Clinton had won the U.S. presidential election, it would 
have been the first time ever in history that two U.S. presidents had slept 
with each other. 
       Now that Donald Trump has won the U.S. presidential election, it is 
the first time ever in history that a white US billionaire will move into 
public housing vacated by a black family! 
How would you pronounce this child's name? 
Leah?? NO 
Lee - A?? NOPE 
Lay - a?? NO 
Lei?? Guess Again. 
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Missouri. 
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. 
It's pronounced "Ledasha". When the Mother was asked about the 
pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent." 
Alan and Loraine Delowski lived on a cove at Gull Lake Alberta. 
It was early winter and the lower portion of the cove had frozen over. 
Alan asked Lorraine if she would walk across the frozen part of the cove to 
the general store and get him some smokes and beer. 
She asked him for some money, but he told her, "Nah, just put it on our 
Old man Stacey won't mind." 
So Lorraine, being the good wife walked across the ice, got the smokes and 
beer at the store and then walked back home across the cove. 
When she got home with the items she said, "Alan, you always tell me not to 
run up the tab at Stacey's store. Why didn't you just give me some money?" 
Alan replied, "Well, Lorraine, I didn't want to send you out there with 
cash when I wasn't sure how thick the ice was!" 
A love story like this almost brings tears to my eyes........ 
During a recent password audit it was found that a blonde had an unusually 
long password: 
When asked why such a big password she said the instructions said it needed 
to be eight characters long. 
A blonde was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.  Her 
car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair 
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde and decided to have some fun.  He 
told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard and all 
the dents would pop out.  So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands 
and knees and started blowing into her tail pipe. 
Nothing happened.  She blew a little harder and still nothing happened. 
Her room mate, also a blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" 
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow in 
the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. 
Her blonde room mate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh!  Hello??  Don't you 
know that you need to roll up the windows first!" 
Two Newfoundlanders were looking at a Sears catalogue and admiring the 
One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalo?' 
The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the 
The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At 
this price, I'm buying one.' 
The second Newfie smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea! Order one 
and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalo, I will get one too.' 
Three weeks later, the one Newfie asks his friend, 'Did you ever receive 
the girl you ordered 
from the Sears catalo?' The second Newfie replies 'No, but it shouldn't be 
long now. I got her clothes yesterday!' 
Did you ever wonder why you never see dead penguins on the ice in 
Antarctica? Ever wonder where they go? Wonder no more. 
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives 
an extremely ordered and complex life. 
The penguins have a very strong community bond. They are very committed to 
their family and will mate for life. 
They also maintain a form of compassionate contact with their offspring 
throughout its life. 
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family 
and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their 
vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird 
to be rolled into and buried. 
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the freshly dug grave and 
sing ... "freeze a jolly good fellow". 

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