Newsletter and jokes 6 January 2017

Hi all 
Happy new year and all that, if it's your particular new year. I think it's time 
we all moved to a sane calendar system. 
Famous people are still dropping like flies ...R.I.P. Om Puri. It looks like 
the British queen may be joining him in due course. 
There's a small lineup this week as people head back home and back to school. 
First up is the animated Ballerina, which is opening here three months ahead of 
the USA. 
And then there's the first of the expected heavy hitters for the Oscars, in the 
form of Manchester by the Sea.  
It will be joined by Lion on 20 Jan, La La Land on 27 Jan, and Moonlight on 10 
Feb (so you can plan your schedule... :-) ) 
Please note that there is a problem with the showtimes for Ballerina at SK  
venues, they had a problem with their feed and did not differentiate between the 
2D and 3D versions. We hope to have this fixed by later today. So please check 
with the cinemas first to see which version they have. 
Also please check my comments in the FPB block on Manchester by the Sea  
regarding the language. 
Enjoy :-) 
M O V I E S 
Released 6 January 2017 
* Ballerina (PG) 
* Ballerina (3D) (PG) 
* Manchester by the Sea (13 LV)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 13 January  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Tea is more dangerous than beer. Please avoid drinking tea. 
I discovered this last night, I had 14 beers till 3am at the pub while my 
wife was just drinking tea at home. 
You should have seen how violent and angry she was when I got home. I was 
peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me, all night and even 
into the next morning. 
Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, don't drink it... 
Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives 
 1.  The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 
 2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 
 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 
 4. A dog's parents never visit. 
 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 
 6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day. 
 7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.. 
 8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing. 
 9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get 
another dog?" 
 10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them 
 11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a 
 12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just 
think it's interesting. 
 13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck. 
And last, but not least: 
 14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff. 
To test this theory:   Lock your wife & your dog in the garage for an hour. 
  Then open it and see who's  happy to see you! 
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important 
meeting and couldn't find a parking place.   Looking up to heaven he said, 
'Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass 
every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!' 
Miraculously, a parking place appeared. 
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.' 
Paddy was in New York  . 
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street 
crossing.   The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, 
pedestrians..'   Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. 
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. 
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went 
over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?' 
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the 
obituary column that he had died.   He quickly phoned his best friend, 
'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!' 
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney.   'Where are ye callin' from?' 
Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough. 
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys. 
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. 
I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect. 
I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me 
No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning. 
I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18" 
"If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits 
on the highway?" 
Why do we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss 
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery 
tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? 
On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. 
There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes. 
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? 
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point 
The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal 
probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world. 
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. 
My wife and I were happy for twenty years .... then we met. 
Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you 
I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here. 
Sign in pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..." 
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'? 
I see your IQ test results were negative. 
Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving. 

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