Newsletter and jokes 3 February 2017

Hi all 
With most of the Oscar contenders now on circuit, we take a step back and  
cater for a more populist market. Kicking off with what may be the final  
instalment of the Resident Evil franchise (and some critics sincerely hope  
so), we also have another instalment in "The Ring" horror series. 
Rounding out the lineup is a teen-friendly sci-fi romance, and finally, 
a rather disastrous release from Mr Ben Affleck, which set the wrong 
sort of records over in the USA and the studio is Not Happy... :-) 
On the previews side there are previews for the next episode of the  
"Fifty Shades" erotic romance series. It's basically playing all 
over, but I only have the Nu Metro shows listed, Ster-Kinekor did not  
include them in my data feed. At least some of them are Ladies Only. 
Pick a date next Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.... and be sure to book. 
Speaking of booking, since both SK and NM redid their web sites, I have  
been unable to link from my showtimes pages to their booking engines. 
It's a problem for all of us. 
On the positive side, I think I may be able to link to at least one of 
them shortly, if they include an extra piece of data in the feed.  
For lovers of opera and ballet, here's a list of upcoming releases,  
starting this week at the Nouveaus. 
4 February:  Nabucco  
11 February: Roméo et Juliette  
25 March: Rusalka 
8 April: La Traviata 
24 April:  Idomeneo 
20 May: Eugene Onegin 
10 June: Der Rosenkavalier 
Enjoy :-) 
M O V I E S 
Released 3 February 2017 
* Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (16 V) 
* Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (3D) (16 V) 
* Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (3D)(IMAX) (16 V) 
* The Space Between Us (PG7-9) 
* Rings (13 VH) 
* Live by Night (16 LV)  
The 4DX version of Resident Evil opens next week, replacing xXx. 
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 10 February  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Who said Aussie Rules footballers  aren't smart ? 
'I owe a lot to my parents,  especially my mother and  father.' 
(Shane  Wakelin). 
'Nobody in football  should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like 
Norman  Einstein.' 
(Mick Malthouse -  Collingwood). 
'I'm going to graduate on  time, no matter how long it  takes.' 
(Peter Bell -  Fremantle - on his University Law  studies). 
'You guys line up  alphabetically by height.' and 'You guys pair up in 
groups of three,  then line up in a  circle.' 
(Barry Hall Sydney  Captain at training).. 
Brock Maclean (Melbourne ) on  whether he had visited the 
Pyramids during his visit to  Egypt  : 
 'I can't really  remember the names of the clubs that we went to.' 
'He's a guy who gets up at  six o'clock in the morning regardless of what 
time it  is.' 
(Kevin Sheedy on James Hird). 
Jonathan  Brown, on  night Grand Finals vs Day Games 
'It's basically the  same, just  darker.' 
Ron Barassi talking about Gary  Cowton 'I told him, 'Son, what is it with 
you. Is it ignorance or  apathy?' 
He said, 'Barass, I  don't know and I don't  care.' 
Barry Hall (Sydney) when asked  about the upcoming  season: 
'I want to kick 70  or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first.' 
'Luke Hodge - the 21 year  old, who turned 22 a few weeks  ago' (Dermott  
'Chad had done a bit of  mental arithmetic with a  calculator.' 
(Mark  Williams). 
'We actually got the  winning goal three minutes from the end but then they 
 (Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles). 
'I've never had major knee  surgery on any other part of my  body.' 
(Luke  Darcy). 
'That kick was absolutely  unique, except for the one before it which was  
(Dermott  Brereton). 
'Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them  
(Adrian  Anderson). 
'If history repeats itself,  I should think we can expect the  same thing  
(Andrew  Demetriou). 
'I would not say he (Chris  Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL but 
there are none  better.' (Dermott  Brereton). 
'I never comment on umpires  and I'm not going to break the habit of a 
lifetime for that  prat.' (Terry  Wallace). 
Garry Lyon : 'Have you ever thought  of writing your autobiography?' 
David Swartz:  'On  what?' 
'Well, either side could  win it, or it could be a  draw.' 
(Dermott  Brereton). 
'Strangely, in slow motion  replay, the ball seemed to hang in the 
Air for even  longer.' 
(Dermott  Brereton). 
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? 
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of 
five enjoys it? 
Why do croutons come in airtight packages?   Aren't they just stale bread 
to begin with? 
If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland 
called Holes? 
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who 
drives a race car is not called a racist? 
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the 
others here for? 
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow 
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, 
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?' 
What hair colour do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? 
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and 
forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, Toothpicks? 
Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive? 
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the 
batteries are getting weak? 
Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds; when they already know 
you're broke? 
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in 
the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you 
have to touch it to check? 
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? 
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a 
revolver at him? 
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 
Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"? 
Why is it that, no matter what colour bubble bath you use, the bubbles are 
always white? 
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? 
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that 
something new to eat will have materialized? 
Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, 
then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the 
vacuum one more chance? 
How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures? 

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