Newsletter and jokes 10 March 2017

Hi all 
Another big-budget blockbuster opens today, so there may be a tussle for 
the number one slot at the boxoffice, with Logan likely to put up a stiff 
Rounding out the lineup are the controversial film from Tom Ford, Ang Lee 
taking a look at the difference between reality and popular belief in war, 
and a rather adult South African film looking at some events from the  
struggle era. Lastly to lighten things up we have a Bollywood rom-com. 
On the previews side there are previews all day all over for John Wick: 
Chapter 2, see the previews page and remember to book. 
Enjoy :-) 
Released 10 March 2017 
* Kong: Skull Island (13 V) 
* Kong: Skull Island (3D) (13 V) 
* Kong: Skull Island (3D)(IMAX) (13 V) 
* Kong: Skull Island (4DX) (13 V) 
* Nocturnal Animals (16 LV) 
* Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk (16 LV) 
* Kalushi (16 LVP) 
* Badrinath ki Dulhania  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 10 March  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full WQHD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Once upon a time ... 
The king called on the royal weather forecaster and inquired as 
to the weather forecast for the next few hours.  The royal weatherman 
assured him that there was no chance of rain for at least 4 days. 
So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he 
met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your 
Majesty, you should return to the palace!  In just a short time I expect a 
huge amount of rain to fall in this area." 
The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "Thanks for 
your concern, but don't worry. It's not going to rain today. I hold the 
palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and 
experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave 
me a very different forecast. I trust him." 
So the king continued on his way.  However, a short time later a 
torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked 
and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition. 
Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to 
fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the 
prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster. 
The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about 
forecasting. I obtained the information about rain today from my donkey. If 
I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain 
very soon."  So the king hired the donkey instead. 
And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the 
government and occupy its highest and most influential positions. 
The practice is unbroken to this day... 
The Captain gets on the loud-speaker and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where 
are you headed?" 
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, 
"We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory 
taken by the U.S. during the 1800's." 
The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter. 
When the Captain finally catches his breath, he gets back on the 
loud-speaker and asks, "Just the four of you?" 
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The 
other 12 million are already there!" 
Nobody on the destroyer laughed. 
On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed all the 
seniors pointing out some of her rules: 
"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the 
male dormitory to the females.  Anybody caught breaking this rule will be 
fined $20 the first time." 
She continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be 
fined $60.  Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180.  Are 
there any questions?" 
At this point, an older gentleman stood up in the crowd inquired:  "How 
much for a season pass?" 
Four British soldiers were captured by the Iranians, branded as spies and 
sentenced to death by firing squad. The quartet consisted of a Welshman,an 
Irishman, a Scot and an Englishman They were each given one last wish.The 
fellow from Wales said he would like to hear a thousand-voice Welsh choir 
sing Land of my Fathers. 
The Irish chappie said he’d like to see a Thousand Irish men and woman do 
the Irish River Dance. 
The Scot asked for a Thousand Scottish bagpipers to play “The Flower of 
Finally, when the Englishman asked what he wanted for his last wish he 
replied, “Please shoot me first.” 
Now that I'm older.... here's a few things that I've learned: 
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran. 
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart. 
4. Funny, I don't remember being forgetful.... 
5. Funny, I don't remember being forgetful.... 
6. If all is not lost, where is it? 
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. 
8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant. 
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I could use a few. 
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids. 
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you really haven't been anywhere. 
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the 
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees. 
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play 
16. It's not hard to meet expenses.... ....they're everywhere. 
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the length and depth. 
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter.... I go 
somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm hereafter. 
19. Funny, I don't remember being forgetful. 
20. I can't remember if I've sent you this before. No big deal... you 
probably don't remember. 

Xax International logo
 Xax International
 All rights reserved.