Newsletter and jokes 24 March 2017

Hi all 
There's four big releases this week, covering a wide target market, with 
the emphasis on horror for some reason. First up is CHIPS, based on the  
TV show but NOT family fare. Then we have the two horrors, one set in 
space and one in a mansion. For the kiddies we have another reboot of the 
Power Rangers, and local Afrikaans comedy Kampterrein for families. 
Lastly we have a Bollywood, and an art-house release. Speaking of which, 
there are also a few screenings of Dvorak's Rusalka opera at the Nouveaus. 
No previews this week. 
In other news, Disney's live-action Beauty and the Beast rewrote the record 
books stateside last weekend. This summary lifted from BoxOfficeMojo: 
Disney's live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast has delivered a film  
the size of a summer blockbuster in the month of March, debuting with not  
only a record-setting March opening weekend, but the seventh largest  
domestic opening of all-time as Disney now owns six of the top seven  
opening weekends of all-time. Thanks in large part to Beauty and the  
Beast's opening, but also to the continued strong performances from Logan,  
Get Out and a decent hold from Kong: Skull Island, this weekend's top  
twelve grossed a combined $249.5 million, the largest combined top twelve  
since December 2015 when Star Wars: The Force Awakens hit theaters. 
With an estimated $170 million, Beauty and the Beast topped the previous  
March opening weekend record of $166 million set by Batman v Superman: Dawn 
of Justice just last year. It's also the seventh largest opening weekend  
ever, ahead of the $169.1 million opening for Harry Potter and the Deathly  
Hallows - Part 2 and just behind Iron Man 3's $174.1 million opening from  
May of 2013. It's also the largest opening for a PG-rated film, topping  
Finding Dory's previous record of $135 million, as well as the largest  
Spring opening weekend, fourth largest Saturday gross of all-time, sixth  
largest Sunday gross and eighth largest theater average for a wide opening  
Beauty and the Beast opens here on 13 April (Easter). 
Enjoy :-) 
Released 24 March 2017 
* Life (16 LVH) 
* Life (IMAX) (16 LVH) 
* Power Rangers (PG7-9 LV) 
* Power Rangers (4DX) (PG7-9 LV) 
* CHIPS (16 NLV) 
* The Sense of an Ending (13 LS) 
* Get Out (16 LVH) 
* Kampterrein: Die Movie (PG 7-9) 
* Phillauri (Hindi)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 31 March  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A husband takes his wife to her high school reunion. 
After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are 
sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored. The band cranks up 
and people are beginning to dance. 
There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon 
walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works. 
Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy?  25 years ago he 
proposed to me and I turned him down." 
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!" 
An oldie... 
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client. 
"Saul, I have some good news, and I have some bad news." 
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Give me the good news 
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me 
that she just invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a 
minimum of $15 million to $20 million, and I think she could be right." 
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant 
businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad 
news. What is it?" 
 The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary." 
Paddy and Mick were driving down the road drinking a couple of beers. 
The passenger, Mick, suddenly said, 'Lord tundering.... up ahead -- it's a 
police roadblock!! 
We're gonna get busted for drinkin' dese here beers!!' 
'Don't worry,' Paddy said. 'We'll just pull over and finish dese beers, 
then peel off the label, stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles 
under the seat.' 
'What fer?' 
'Jist let me do de talkin', OK?' 
So they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight and put a 
label on each of their foreheads. 
When they reached the roadblock, 
the Royal Irish Constabulary officer took a long look at the two of them 
and said, 
'You boys been drinkin'?' 
'No at all,' said Paddy, pointing at the labels. 'We're on the patches.' 

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