Newsletter and jokes 7 April 2017

Hi all 
Well if you're all back from marching.... 
There's a full lineup at the movies this week. Although Beauty and the  
Beast is releasing officially next week, they've decided to release the  
big screen / more expensive (pick one) experience this week... so enjoy. 
The other releases this week cover the age spectrum well. First up for the  
kiddies is The Boss Baby and the second installment in the Robo-Dog series. 
Moving slightly older, we have Gold and the faith-based Gallows Road. 
For adult fare we have locally-shot and starring Charlize, The Last Face. 
We round out the lineup with an Afrikaans movie which should appeal to an 
older audience despite the low age restriction, and then the same movie 
in two different Indian languages (and which also provides this week's  
cover girl). 
No previews this week, but it's a short week due to Easter next weekend. 
Enjoy :-) 
Released 7 April 2017 
* Beauty and the Beast (PG V) 
* Beauty and the Beast (3D) (PG V) 
* Beauty and the Beast (3D)(IMAX) (PG V) 
* Beauty and the Beast (4DX) (PG V) 
* The Boss Baby (PG) 
* The Boss Baby (PG) 
* Die Rebellie van Lafras Verwey (PG10-12 V) 
* Gold (13 LD) 
* The Last Face (16 LV) 
* Gallows Road (13 VD) 
* Robo-Dog: Airborne 
* Kaatru Veliyidai (Tamil) 
* Cheliyaa (Teluga)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 7 April  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Given the political situation in the country, some timeless advice, albeit 
a little American-centric. 
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man  is a 
shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. 
       -- John Adams 
2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do  read the 
newspaper you are  misinformed. 
  -- Mark Twain 
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And   suppose you were a member of   
But then I repeat   myself. 
  -- Mark Twain 
  4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is 
like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the 
  --Winston Churchill 
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the 
support of Paul. 
  -- George Bernard Shaw 
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which 
debt he proposes to pay off with your money. 
-- G. Gordon Liddy 
7. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys 
to teenage boys. 
  -- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian 
  8. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short 
If it   moves, tax it. 
If it keeps   moving, regulate it. 
And if it stops moving, subsidize it. 
  --Ronald Reagan (1986) 
9. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. 
  -- Will Rogers 
10. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it 
costs when it's free! 
  -- P. J. O'Rourke 
11. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in 
  -- Mark Twain (1866) 
12. Talk is cheap, except when Congress does it. 
  -- Anonymous 
13. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the 
The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. 
  --  Winston Churchill 
14. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the 
taxidermist leaves the skin. 
  --  Mark Twain 
15. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class, save Congress. 
  -- Mark Twain 
16. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. 
  --Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995) 
17. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong 
enough to take everything   you have. 
  -- Thomas Jefferson 
As per above, but deeper :-) 
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the 
wealthy out of prosperity. 
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work 
for without receiving. 
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does 
not first take from somebody else. 
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it. 
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work, 
because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other 
half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody else is 
going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any 
A hotel guest calls the front desk & the clerk answers, "May I help you?" 
The woman says, "Yes, I'm in room 858.  You need to send someone to my room 
immediately. I'm having an argument with my husband and he says he's going 
to jump out the window." 
The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry ma'am, but that's a personal matter." 
The woman replies, "Listen you idiot.  The window won't open, that's a 
maintenance matter." 
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he 
tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are 
wrinkled from age. 
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him 
to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. 
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest 
shave he's had in years. 
But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that 
little ball. 
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone 
else does." 
I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving. 
As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the 
authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. 
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the 
Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine. 
Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something 
I've never done before: I took a bus home. Sure enough I passed a police 
road block but as it was a  bus, they waved it past. 
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I 
have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it. 

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