Newsletter and jokes 21 April 2017

Hi all 
Quite a busy lineup this as we finish our second short week in a row and 
head for the third... which will be a 5 day weekend for lots of people... 
have not had one of those for years. Which means of course that next 
week some of the new movies open on Wednesday, and others on Friday. 
As for this week, it's a bit of something for everyone, the big release 
being a typically violent offering from Martin Scorsese in Silence, which  
thoroughly impressed the critics.  
For more eclectic fare, we have three American movies looking at the darker 
side of the American experience. 
For the kiddies there's another instalment of the long-running (and  
unfortunately not wildly successful) Asterix series. And then we have two 
romances, one comedy, one drama, from South Africa and India. 
On the previews side, there are previews all over on Saturday evening For  
next week's Jamie Foxx actioner, Sleepless. See the previews page and  
remember to book. 
Enjoy :-) 
Released 21 April 2017 
Silence (16 V) 
Table 19 (PG10-12 L) 
American Pastoral (13 LS) 
In Dubious Battle (16 LV) 
Asterix & Obelix: The Mansion of the Gods (PG7-9) 
All About Love (13 LV) 
Asterix & Obelix: The Mansion of the Gods (3D) (PG7-9) 
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 26 and 28 April  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the 
local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. 
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would 
eventually find me attractive. 
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom 
until they are flashing behind you. 
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite 
they only look at the covered parts. 
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and 
wondered Y? 
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to 
fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote. 
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's 
your common sense leaving your body. 
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of 
captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and 
throw them fish? 
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about 
I think my neighbour is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her 
computer. I saw it through my telescope last night. 
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social 
situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me. 
My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the 
175 pounds ve gained since then. 
The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I'm pretty sure shes  
going to get me something. 
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can 
be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient. 
I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of 
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive 
triple-panel energy efficient kind. 
Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. 
He was very angry and complaining bitterly that the work had been completed 
a whole year ago but I still hadn't paid for them. 
Just because I'm blonde and flunked Maths at High School doesn't mean that 
I am automatically stupid. 
So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year. 
That in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! 
Hellllooooooo? It's now been a year! I told him. 
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung 
He never called back. 
I bet he felt like a real idiot!! 
 New slogans for United Airlines 
 We have First Class, Business Class, and No Class. 
 Our prices cant be beaten...but our passengers can. 
 We put the hospital in hospitality. 
 We beat our passengers, not the competition. 
 We have an offer you cant refuse. No, really. 
 Board as a doctor, leave as a patient. 
 Not enough seating? Prepare for a beating. 
 And you thought legroom was an issue. 
 If our staff need a seat, well drag you out by your feet. 
 We treat you like we treat your luggage. 
 Fight or flight. 
 You may have patients, but we dont have patience. 
 We have red-eye and black-eye flights available. 
 Now serving free punch. 

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