Newsletter and jokes 26 May 2017

Hi all 
Well Johnny is back for some more swashbuckling adventure, as we continue 
with the Summer Blockbuster season. However the critics were not so  
impressed this time around, while the masses are more forgiving. So we'll 
have to see how it does at the box office... 
On the art circuit we have limited screenings of Shakespeare's Twelfth  
Night, in their Theatre on Screen program. 
Rounding out this week's lineup is a new release from Terence Malick, which 
seems a bit of a specialist taste. Then we have another take from the  
Fatal Attraction genre (if that can be considered a genre now) as new wife 
and old wife battle it out in Unforgettable. 
India provides three releases, the first being a biopic of Sachin  
Tendulkar, as well as two smaller releases. 
Released 26 May 2017 
* Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge (13 VH) 
* Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge (3D) (13 VH) 
* Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge (3D)(IMAX) (13 VH) 
* Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge (4DX) (13 VH) 
* Song to Song (16 SN) 
* Unforgettable (16 SV) 
* Sachin 
* Baahubali 2: The Conclusion (Telugu) 
* Thondan (Tamil)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 2 June  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
History lesson. 
A young chap was boundary riding on a vast Queensland, Australia estate,  
and one day in 1947 he came upon a very old hatter living high up in the  
First thing the old man asked was, "How's the war going?" 
"Gosh!" said the boundary rider, "it's been over nearly two years!" 
"Who won?" came the eager query. 
"We did, of course." 
The old fellow gave the semblance of a hearty chuckle and rubbed his 
gnarled hands with pleasure. 
"My word, it's been a long struggle," he said. "But I'll bet Queen 
Victoria's pleased. She never did like those b***** Boers!" 
A man went on a ski trip and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He 
called his insurance company from the hospital, but they refused to cover 
his injury. 
"Why is the injury not covered?" he asked. 
"You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That 
makes you an idiot and we consider that a pre-existing condition." 
I am not a believer in séances, but I went to one just to see what they are 
like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear. I 
assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible 
public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest. 
I was arrested for striking a happy medium. 
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the 
trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. 
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were 
carrying two dead possums. "Do you wish to check the possums through as 
luggage?" she asked. 
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion." 
I just read an article about a lady who makes ice cubes from left over 
I am so confused!  What the heck is left over wine? 
table for dinner. 
Quite surprisingly, she asked if she could help. 
Her mother said, "No, but I appreciate your asking." 
The child responded, "Well, I appreciate you're saying no. 
Marriage is like a game of noughts and crosses -when Julie is cross, Jim 
gets nought. 
The wife said, 'No, I don't wake up sleepy and irritable - I let him sleep 
The husband said 'Our marriage is based on trust and understanding - she 
doesn't trust me, and I don't understand her'. 
She offered her honour, he honoured her offer and all night long it was 
honour and offer 
The bride looks absolutely stunning - the groom looks absolutely stunned. 
The first time the groom set eyes on the bride he was awe struck by her 
looks - to him, she was drop dead gorgeous. He said to her 'You're 
gorgeous' - and she said, 'Drop dead!' 
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 

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