Newsletter and jokes 16 June 2017

Hi all 
Well I hope the exams are now mostly over and if you wrote, that it went 
At the movies we've got Cars 3 for the kiddies, while the rest of the line 
up will appeal to (or is aimed at) an older audience. 
We've got action in The Hunter's Prayer, as well as Free Fire at the  
Nouveaus, which was supposed to release a few weeks back. Note that this 
features a lot of bad language.  
Also at the Nouveaus, but much tamer, is This Beautiful Fantastic. 
Then another two opposites, in the form of the hens-night-gone-wrong 
Rough Night, balanced with the religious-themed The Cast for Christ. 
So take your pick... :-) 
Note that Transformers: The Last Knight is opening on Wednesday, same as 
in the USA. 
Lastly, two weeks ago Fast 8 overtook its predecessor Fast 7 to become the 
highest all time earner on the SA Top Ten, sitting at R72 million as of  
last weekend. Amazing. 
Released 15 June 2017 
Cars 3 (PG) 
Cars 3 (3D) (PG) 
Rough Night (16 LSD) 
This Beautiful Fantastic (PG) 
The Hunter's Prayer' (16 LV) 
The Case for Christ (PG7-9) 
Free Fire (18 LV)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 21/23 June  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (for the gals)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A rerun... 
We had a novel experience at a recent meeting of our book club at the Men's 
Shed. One of our senior members, 
Ted Roberts who is himself an author lauded for his timeless work 
"Woodworking for Profit and Pleasure", came up with an interesting 
He said his wife thought that we should read a book called 
"Fifty Shades of Grey" as we might learn something from it. 
Someone thought it would come in handy when re-painting the house. The 
chaps were all asked to attend our next meeting with some notes relating to 
their experience of reading the book and its relevance to our activities. 
At the follow-up meeting we had an enthusiastic full house where the blokes 
recounted the literary impact of the novel. 
Here are their experiences: 
Bill Carruthers, 74 
 We tried  various positions -- round the back, on the side, up against a  
But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the 
only place for a good shed. 
Nick Enwright, 86 
She stood before me, trembling in my shed im yours for the night, she  
gasped, You can do whatever you want with me.  
So I took her to Builder's Warehouse. 
Ted Roberts, 79  
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then  
harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure.  
Now for the other boot. 
Tom Entwhistle, 73 
Ever since she read THAT book, Ive had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains  
and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though. 
Jack Farthing, 78  
Put on this rubber suit and mask, I instructed, calmly. 
Mmmm, kinky! she purred. 
Yes, I said, You cant be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed 
John Hardcastle, 72  
I'm a very naughty girl, she said, biting her lip. I need to be punished. 
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend. 
Colin Horrocks, 65  
Harder! she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. 
Okay,I said. Whats the gross national product of Nicaragua? 
Malcolm Riddock, 75  
I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.  
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat. 
Allen Cardly, 74  
Are you sure you can take the pain? she demanded, brandishing stilettos. 
I think so, I gulped. 
Here we go, then, she said, and showed me the receipt. 
Nicholas Benchley, 53  
Are you sure you want this? I asked. 
When Im done, you wont be able to sit down for weeks. She nodded. 
Okay, I said, putting the three-piece lounge furniture for sale on eBay. 
Toby Williams, 60  
Punish me! she cried. Make me suffer like only a real man can! 
Very well, I replied, leaving the toilet seat up. 
One noteworthy reality about Europes current political leadership is 
summarized here by Phil Lawler: 
Macron, the newly elected French president, has no children. 
German chancellor Angela  Merkel has no children. 
British prime minister Theresa May has no children. 
Italian prime minister Paolo Gentiloni has no children. 
Hollands Mark Rutte, 
Swedens Stefan Lafven, 
Luxembourgs Xavier Bettel, 
Scotlands Nicola Sturgeon - all have no children. 
Jean-Claude Juncker, president of the European Commission, has no children. 
"So a grossly disproportionate number of the people making decisions about 
Europe's future have no direct personal stake in that future." 
Once upon a time there lived a King who had the most beautiful daughter. 
But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.. 
No matter what: 
Anything she touched would melt. 
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her 
The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? 
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, 
'If your  daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she 
will be cured.' 
The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan. 
The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter 
an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's 
The first brought a sword of the finest steel. 
But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted. 
The prince went away sadly 
The second prince brought diamonds. 
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not 
But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted. 
He too was sent away disappointed. 
The third prince approached. He told the Princess, 
'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.' 
The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red. 
She felt something very hard. She held it in her hand. 
And it did not melt!!! 
The King was over joyed. Everybody in the kingdom was over joyed. 
And the Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after 
Question: What was in the Prince's pants 
M&M's of course!  They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. 
What on earth were you thinking? 
What do politicians and nappies have in common? 
Both should be changed regularly, and for the same reason. 

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