Newsletter and jokes 4 August 2017

Hi all 
Some well-rated movies hit the circuit today. We kick off with the car  
crime thriller Baby Driver, and continue with adult chick-flick Girls Trip. 
We go even more adult (18) with the western Brimstone, and get more  
mainstream with the eagerly anticipated local film Krotoa, which takes a 
look at life here at the Cape soon after JvR arrived. It's good that the 
film industry is taking a look at our rich history, there are many more 
tales to tell. 
And lastly we have a rom-com from Bollywood.  
On the previews side, there are previews all day next Wednesday most places 
for the female-interest action comedy Snatched. See the previews page and 
remember to book. 
Released 4 August 2017 
* Baby Driver (16 LV) 
* Baby Driver (4DX) (16 LV) 
* Krotoa (13 SV) 
* Brimstone (18 SV) 
* Girls Trip (16 LSD) 
* Jab Harry met Sejal  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 11 August  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Signs... some old, some new 
  We will heel you 
  We will save your sole 
  We will even dye for you. 
  Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: 
  "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."; 
  At an Optometrist's Office: 
  "If you don't see what you're looking for, 
  You've come to the right place."; 
  On a Plumber's truck : 
  "We repair what your husband fixed."; 
  On another Plumber's truck: 
  "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."; 
  At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee : 
  "Invite us to your next blowout."; 
  On an Electrician's truck: 
  "Let us remove your shorts."; 
  On a Maternity Room door: 
  "Push. Push. Push."; 
  At a Car Dealership: 
  "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."; 
  Outside a Muffler Shop: 
  "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."; 
  In a Veterinarian's waiting room: 
  "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"; 
  At the Electric Company: 
  "We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. 
  However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted."; 
  In a Restaurant window: 
  "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."; 
  In the front yard of a Funeral Home: 
  "Drive carefully. We'll wait."; 
  In a Chicago Radiator Shop: 
  "Best place in town to take a leak."; 
  Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: 
  "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises" 
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks a little odd, so 
she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from 
completely different parents. 
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you. 
Husband: What's up? 
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid. 
Husband: Well, don't you remember? When we were leaving the hospital, you 
saw the baby had pooped his diaper. Then you said: Please go change the 
baby, I'll wait for you here. So I went inside, got a clean one and left 
the messy one there. 
An 8-year-old girl went to her Grandfather, who was working in the yard, 
and asked him: "Grampa, what's couple s*x?" 
Her Grandfather was surprised that she would ask him such a question but 
decided that, if she was old enough to ask, she was old enough to be given 
a straight 
answer.  So, steeling himself to leave out nothing, he proceeded to tell 
her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of 
By the time he'd finished, the little girl was looking at him with her 
mouth hanging open and her eyes wide with amazement. 
Seeing the look on her face, her Grandfather said: 
"Why did you ask this question honey?" 
And the little girl replied: 
"Because Grandma said to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a 
couple secs." 
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a 
fly swatter 
'What are you doing?' she asked. 
'Hunting Flies' he responded. 
'Oh. ! Killing any?' she asked. 
'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied. 
Intrigued, she asked, 'How can you tell them apart?' 
He responded, '3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.' 
Phoned my work this morning and said "Sorry boss, I can't come in today, I 
have a wee cough." 
Boss says "You have a wee cough?" 
I said "Really, Thanks boss, see you next week." 
As her bus pulled away, a woman realised she had left my purse under the 
seat. Later she called the depot and was relieved that the driver had found 
her bag. 
When she went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded her. 
One man handed her pocketbook to her, two typewritten pages and a box 
containing the contents of her purse. 
"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I 
think you'll find everything there." 
As she started to put her belongings back into the pocketbook, the man 
continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. 
Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. 
And we'd like to see just how you do it." 
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a 
beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." 
The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" 
"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class." 
1. no1 b4 me. srsly. 
2. dnt wrshp pix/idols 
3. no omg's 
4. no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r) 
5. prnts ok - ur m&d r cool 
6. dnt kill ppl 
7. sx only w/ m8 
8. dnt steal 
9. dnt lie 
10. dnt ogle ur bf's m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob. 

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