Newsletter and jokes 11 August 2017

Hi all 
Things still a bit hectic but coming under control ;) 
On circuit this week we kick off with one man's quest to prove his theories 
about South America correct. Staying Stateside and wild, this week's kiddie 
release is The Son of Bigfoot, which has not had much exposure overseas. 
Then we go darker and more adult, with a remake of My Cousin Rachel, and  
the female-interest pair of Snatched and Below Her Mouth (which is not for 
the prudish). 
Lastly we have a rom-com from Bollywood, looking at a question of rural 
On the previews side, there are a handful of previews next Wednesday for  
the upcoming action thriller The Hitman's Bodyguard... see the previews 
page and remember to book. 
Released 11 August 2017 
* The Lost City of Z (13 V) 
* Snatched (16 LV) 
* The Son of Bigfoot (PG7-9 LV) 
* The Son of Bigfoot (3D) (PG7-9 LV) 
* My Cousin Rachel (13 LSV) 
* Below Her Mouth (16 LNS) 
* Toilet: Ek Prem Katha  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 18 August  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Return on investment.... 
A toothpaste factory had a problem: they sometimes shipped empty boxes, 
without the tube inside. This was due to the way the production line was 
set up, and people with experience in designing production lines will tell 
you how difficult it is to have everything happen with timings so precise 
that every single unit coming out of it is perfect 100% of the time. Small 
variations in the environment (which can't be controlled in a 
cost-effective fashion) mean you must have quality assurance checks smartly 
distributed across the line so that customers all the way down to the 
supermarket don't get p'd and buy another product instead. 
Understanding how important that was, the CEO of the toothpaste factory got 
the top people in the company together and they decided to start a new 
project, in which they would hire an external engineering company to solve 
their empty boxes problem, as their engineering department was already too 
stretched to take on any extra effort. 
The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor 
allocated, RFP, third-parties selected, 
and six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution on 
time, on budget, high quality and everyone in the project had a great time. 
They solved the problem by using high-tech precision scales that would 
sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box would weigh less 
than it should. The line would stop, and someone had to walk over and yank 
the defective box out of it, pressing another button when done to re-start 
the line. 
A while later, the CEO decides to have a look at the ROI of the project: 
amazing results! No empty boxes ever shipped out of the factory after the 
scales were put in place. Very few customer complaints, and they were 
gaining market share. "That's some money well spent" he says, before 
looking closely at the other statistics in the report. 
It turns out, the number of defects picked up by the scales was 0 after 
three weeks of production use. It should've been picking up at least a 
dozen a day, so maybe there was something wrong with the report. 
He filed a bug against it, and after some investigation, the engineers come 
back saying the report was actually correct. The scales really weren't 
picking up any defects, because all boxes that got to that point in the 
conveyor belt were good. 
Puzzled, the CEO travels down to the factory, and walks up to the part of 
the line where the precision scales were installed. 
A few feet before the scale, there was a $20 desk fan, blowing the empty 
boxes out of the belt and into a bin. 
Oh, that, says one of the workers, one of the guys put it there cause he 
was tired of walking over every time the bell rang. 
A guy, with a very depressed look about him, sits down at the bar and 
rapidly orders drink after drink. 
"Is everything okay, pal?", the bartender asks. 
"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn't talking to me for a 
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe 
that's kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?" 
The guys says, "Yeah, but today is the last day." 
I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and 
really cute, so I suggested we meet up. 
She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?! 
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, 
a ginger kid, with two friends? 
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in 
front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits. 
When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids. 
Took her out with one punch. 
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. "It's worth spending 
money on good speakers," he told me. 
Three old Aussie rednecks were working up on an outback  Queensland  cell 
phone tower: Coot Hooter, Hurricane Lamp and  Martin Place.  As they start  
their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly..  
As the ambulance takes the body away, Martin says, 'Well, someone should go 
and tell Coot's wife. 
Hurricane says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.' 
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer. 
Martin says, 'Where did you get that beer, Hurricane?' 'Coot's wife gave it 
to me,' Hurricane replies. 'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her 
husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?' 'Well, not exactly', 
Hurricane says. 'When she answered the door,  I said to her, "you must be 
Coot's widow." She said, 'You must be mistaken..  I'm not a widow.' Then I 
said, 'I'll bet you a case of beer you are..' 
Queenslanders are good at that sensitive stuff. 
Looking for work ... 
1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. 
Couldn't concentrate. 
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, 
so they gave me the axe. 
3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- mainly 
because it was a sew-sew job. 
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting. 
5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my 
life, but just didn't have the thyme. 
6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it.... 
couldn't cut the mustard. 
7. My best job was a Musician,but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy. 
8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience. 
9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in. 
10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my 
net income. 
11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but 
the work was just too draining. 
12. So then I got a job in a Workout Centre, but they said I wasn't fit for 
the job.. 
13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as 
a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it. 
14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was 
the same old grind. 

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