Newsletter and jokes 18 August 2017

Hi all 
It's a mostly adult week at the movies this week, as far as the new  
releases go. 
We kick off with last week's number 1 at the US box office, the next  
instalment in the ongoing "The Conjuring" series, and take a look back 
at the beginning of the story of Annabelle.  
This week's big release is an action thriller with well-known names but 
has had a tepid response from the critics, and even the studio has modest 
expectation for the US opening this weekend. 
Then Oscar-winning director Katherine Bigelow takes a look at civil unrest 
back in the late 1960s, in a film which I thought would be on the art 
circuit, but isn't, and in some ways mirrors current events now taking 
place in the USA.  
From the South African side we have a comedy about a pair of hapless 
friends who get in way over their head with the wrong sort of people.  
We round out the lineup with Charlize Theron's new movie Atomic Blonde 
getting a one-week headstart at the IMAX venues (before wide release next 
week), and a family drama about whether family or work is more important. 
Lastly Bollywood has another comedy for us. 
On the previews side, there are two premiers next Thursday night for the  
2D version of Atomic Blonde, and a few at selected cinemas next Wednesday 
night for the upcoming local comedy The Bounce Back. See the previews 
page and remember to book. 
On the business side of things, Despicable Me 3 has now surpassed episode 
2, and Finding Dory, and is closing in on The Minions (from the same  
series). It's currently sitting at number 6 on the all-time Top 10 earners 
in South Africa. 
Released 18 August 2017 
* The Hitman's Bodyguard (16 LV) 
* The Hitman's Bodyguard (4DX) (16 LV) 
* Detroit (16 LVP) 
* Atomic Blonde (IMAX) (16 LV) 
* Annabelle: Creation (13 VH) 
* Finders Keepers (13 LSV) 
* A Family Man (16 L) 
* Bareilly Ki Barfi  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 1 September  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
This came from a U.S. soldier's wife.  It says it all: 
"I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as the government 
underwent a peaceful transition of power a few short months ago ... 
At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism while Donald Trump took 
his Oath of Office. 
However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched 21 Soldiers, in 
full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the President. 
It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated. 
Every one of them missed him..." 
Since all the "kids" have all their little codes... 
like BFF, WTF, LOL, etc. here are some codes for seniors: 
ATD- At the Doctor's 
BFF- Best Friends Funeral 
BTW- Bring the Wheelchair 
BYOT- Bring Your Own Teeth 
CBM- Covered by Medicare 
CUATSC- See You at the Senior Centre 
FWIW- Forgot Where I Was 
FYI- Found Your Insulin 
GGPBL- Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low 
GHA- Got Heartburn Again 
HGBM- Had Good Bowel Movement 
IMHO- Is My Hearing-Aid On? 
LMDO- Laughing My Dentures Out 
LOL- Living on Lipitor 
OMSG- Oh My! Sorry, Gas 
ROFL...CGU- Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up! 
WAITT- Who Am I Talking To? 
WTFA- Wet the Furniture Again 
WTP- Where's the Prunes 
WWNO- Walker Wheels Need Oil 
GGLKI- Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in! 
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. 
The doctor says "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?" 
The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these 
cravings. She's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings. 
"The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and 
says, - "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your daughter is 
pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess." 
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be. She has never ever been with a 
man! Have you Debbie?" 
Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man, I'm still a virgin!" 
The doctor walked over to the window and just stood there staring out of 
About 5 minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong 
out there doctor?" The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the 
last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and 3 
wise men came over the hill. And there's no way I'm going to miss it this 
When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure. 
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure. 
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems. 
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. 
Apparently, ice is really bad for you. 
Warn all your friends. 
Name something a blind person might use - A sword 
Name a song with moon in the title - Blue Suede Moon 
Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell 
Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar 
Name a famous brother & sister - Bonnie & Clyde 
Name an item of clothing worn by the 3 musketeers - A horse 
A kind of ache - Fillet 'O' Fish 
A food that can be brown or white - Potato 
A jacket potato topping - Jam 
A famous Scotsman - Jock 
Another famous Scotsman - Vinnie Jones 
Something with a hole in it - Window 
A non living object with legs - Plant 
A domestic animal - Leopard 
A part of the body beginning with 'N' - Knee 
A way of cooking fish - Cod 
Something that flies that doesn't have an engine - A bicycle with wings 
Something you might be allergic to - Skiing 
Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters 
Something a cat does - Goes to the toilet 
Something you do in the bathroom - Decorate 
Name an animal you might see at the zoo - A dog 
Something associated with the police - Pigs 
A sign of the zodiac - April 
Name something that floats in the bath - Water 
Name something you wear on the beach - A deckchair 
Name something Red - My cardigan 
Name a famous cowboy - Buck Rogers 
Name a famous royal - Mail 
A number you have to memorize - 7 
Something you do before going to bed - Sleep 
Something you put on walls - Roofs 
A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work, and everyone was 
encouraged to bring their children. 
All during the sit-down dinner one co-worker's three -year-old girl stared 
at the man sitting across from her.The girl could hardly eat her food from 
staring. The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair 
in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to 
just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. 
He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?" 
Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and the table went quiet 
for her response. 
The little girl said, "I just want to see how you drink like a fish!" 
"Sir, your daughter says she loves me, and she can't live without me, and 
she wants to marry me." 
"And you're asking my permission to marry her?" 
"No, I'm asking you to make her leave me alone!!" 
The father grew increasingly displeased as his teenage daughter and her 
boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing patience 
shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door. 
Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong. 
"I have to ask you to move your car," the father told him. 
"Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?" 
"No," he replied, "it's parked in the wrong driveway." 
Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a lorry went by loaded 
up with rolls of turf. 
Paddy said, 'I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery'. 
'What's dat?', says his mate. 
'Send me lawn away to be cut', says Paddy. 

Xax International logo
 Xax International
 All rights reserved.