Newsletter and jokes 25 August 2017

Hi all 
Well ex-Miss-Teen-SA Charlize is back on the big screen doing the Atomic 
Blonde thing... I read once that MI6 would never hire James Bond, maybe 
Charlize is more their style... 
Also up is a new local rom-com set in Sun City. We balance that out with 
more mystery action in a Groundhog Day kind of way with 2:22, and find  
more off-beat romance on the art circuit with Maudie. 
The new lineup is rounded out with two releases from India, both feature 
action, one flavoured with crime and the other with romance and comedy. 
On the previews side, there are several previews next Thursday for the  
upcoming chickflick Fun Mom Dinner, as well as a few, also next Thursday, 
for Marvell's Inhuman (IMAX only). See the previews page and remember to  
On the business side of things, the USA is expecting their worst cinema 
weekend in 20 years. This comes at the tail end of a lacklustre summer 
season. They're blaming the fisticuffs this weekend, but I wonder if all 
the war talk coming out of Washington (nuclear and all) is depressing 
people so much that they are crawling into their shells in worry. 
Released 25 August 2017 
* Atomic Blonde (16 LV) 
* 10 Days in Sun City (13 LV) 
* Maudie (PG10-12 D) 
* 2:22 (13 V) 
* A Gentleman (Hindi) 
* Vivegam (Tamil)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 8 September  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
The top 15 funniest jokes from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe 
1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all  
    change." - Ken Cheng 
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" 
    - Frankie Boyle 
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?"  
    - Alexei Sayle 
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving  
    house till I find her" - Lew Fitz 
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call  
    it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field 
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" 
     - Mark Simmons 
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a  
    name for it..." - Jimeoin 
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" 
     - Ed Byrne 
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was  
    lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel 
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh  
    my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King 
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a  
    men's singles event" - Angela Barnes 
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but  
    apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff 
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" 
     - Phil Wang 
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess 
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine 
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he 
saw him. He had never been to church in his life. 
After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad 
ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?" 
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced 
me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat 
just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that 
he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the 
back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal 
McGlynn's hat." 
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's 
hat. What changed your mind?" 
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I 
decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all." 
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After 
I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal 'ya decided you would rather do 
without your hat than burn in Hell?" 
Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou 
Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat." 
I called an old friend and asked him what he was doing. He replied that he 
was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel 
under a constrained environment". 
I was really impressed.... 
On further inquiry I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water... 
under his wife's supervision. 
Armscor is going to launch a new pistol onto the South Africa market,  
called "The President". 
It doesn't work, and you can't fire it. 
My mate pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said 
"That's us in 10 years". 
I said "That's a mirror, dip-stick!" 
A co-worker returned after lunch carrying a dress from the cleaners. 
"Pretty," said one of the blokes. "Big date tonight?" 
"I picked it up for a friend," she replied, adding, "Do you really think I 
could fit in a tiny thing like this?" 
Jerry smiled and said, "Do you really think I've lived this long by 
answering questions like that?" 
A newly-wed presents at the doctor with chest pains. 'Hmmmm, aha', as 
doctors tend to say. Then the doctor says 'I regret to inform you but you 
have culinary thrombosis' 
'You mean coronary thrombosis don't you Doctor, a clot in the heart' 
exclaimed the newly-wed. 
'No, you have culinary thrombosis, a clot in the kitchen' 

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