Newsletter and jokes 8 September 2017

Hi all 
Another full lineup for what I suppose for some is the height of the exam  
season. Never fear, the end is near. ;-) 
There's two big releases this week, the first being another of Steven  
Soderbergh (Ocean's Eleven etc) heist capers, and the other an adaptation 
of a Stephen King mystery which marries western elements with modern times. 
On more limited release (including art circuit) we take a look at a very 
unconventional family, as well as some intrigue set during world war two. 
Then we have 9/11 (about events during 9 September 2001) ... which has been 
kept away from the press so I won't comment on that ....  
And lastly Bollywood provides a crime drama and comedy, for your viewing 
On the previews side there are a handful of girls-night-out previews next  
Wednesday for the Reese Witherspoon comedy Home Again, and also a few 
tomorrow (Saturday) for the eagerly-anticipated film version of Stephen 
King's "It". See the previews page and remember to book. 
And Really Lastly we've got David Gilmour: Live at Pompeii at select  
cinemas next Wednesday night. Enjoy. 
Released 8 September 2017 
* The Dark Tower (PG10-12 V) 
* Logan Lucky (PG10-12 LV) 
* The Exception (16 NS) 
* The Glass Castle (13 LVD SV) 
* 9/11 (16 LV) 
* Poster Boys (Hindi) 
* Daddy (Hindi)  
SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)  
The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.  
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)  
Forthcoming attractions for 22 September  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I didn't enlist in the Army; my number was drawn out of the barrel. So I 
wasn't going to make life easy for anyone. During my physical, the doctor 
asked softly, "Can you read the letters on the wall?" 
"What letters?" I answered slyly. 
"Good," said the doctor. "You passed the hearing test." 
Alzheimer's Test for Modern Seniors 
How fast can you guess these words 
1. F_ _K 
2. PU_S_ 
3. S_X 
4. P_N_S 
5. BOO_S 
6. _ _NDOM 
1. FORK 
3. SIX 
You got all 6 wrong.... didn't you? Don't worry. You don't have 
Alzheimer's. You are just a pervert. 
A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our 
small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting 
newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was 
quickly accepted and was around from then on. 
As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, 
he had a special niche. 
My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, 
and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger... he was our storyteller. He 
would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and 
If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always 
knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed 
able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league 
ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped 
talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind. 
Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each 
other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for 
peace and quiet. 
(I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.) 
Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger 
never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed 
in our home - not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our long time 
visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and 
made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad didn't permit the liberal 
use of alcohol but the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. 
He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He 
talked freely (much too freely!) about s*x. His comments were sometimes 
blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.. 
I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced 
strongly by the stranger. 
Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom 
rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave. 
More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our 
family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was 
at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would 
still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to 
him talk and watch him draw his pictures. 
His name?.... 
We just call him 'TV.' 
A fellow turned to a woman sitting beside him in a bar and said; "Drinking 
makes you look beautiful, darling." 
She looked a little surprised and answered, "but I haven't had a drink 
He smiled and said, "no, but I have!" 
If tough is pronounced tuff, then why isn't doughnut pronounced duffnut? 
Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in 
Greece. The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. 
When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered 
how he could afford such a house. 
The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? 
The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single 
lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built". 
The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply 
amazed at the Greek Mayor's house, gold taps, marble floors, it was 
When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said; "You see that 
bridge over there?" 
The Spaniard replied; "No." 

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