Newsletter and jokes 20 October 2017

Hi all 
It's disaster time at the movies again, as the weather runs rampant. 
Kinda like Ophelia in Ireland last week. 
In keeping with October horror month, we have two offerings, one comedy 
and one serious. The serious one topped the US box office last week, and  
has decent reviews, so give it a spin.... 
On the other hand they're expecting Madea to top the US box office this 
week so pick your genre... :-) 
Rounding out the Hollywood lineup is survival drama The Mountain Between 
Us. I think Kate Winslet must be careful that she does not get typecast 
into disaster movies where she has to rely on a man who is not her fiancee. 
And then misbehave. :-) 
From India we have three movies, to celebrate Diwali. Enjoy. 
Released 20 October 2017 
* Geostorm (PG10-12 LV) 
* Geostorm (3D) (PG10-12 LV) 
* Geostorm (3D IMAX) (PG10-12 LV) 
* Geostorm (4DX) (PG10-12 LV) 
* Happy Death Day (13 LVH) 
* The Mountain Between Us 
* Tyler Perry's Boo 2! A Madea Halloween 
* Secret Superstar (Hindi) 
* Mersal (Tamil) 
* Golmaal Again (Hindi)  
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. 
The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only 
Eight minutes. 
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. 
The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. 
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they 
asked him what happened. 
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk 
for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk 
for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in 
by mistake and he couldn't shut up... 
Your concise guide to music: 
JAZZ: Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes. 
BLUES: Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning. 
WORLD MUSIC: Dozen different types of percussion all going at once. 
OPERA: People singing when they should be talking. 
RAP: People talking when they should be singing. 
CLASSICAL: Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad. 
FOLK: Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century. 
BIG BAND: 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer. 
After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I were going 
to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself 
I started to feel a lot better. So I thought.... Sod it...  soldier on. 
You won't hear from me for a while. 
Am being investigated for stealing swimming pool inflatables... 
so I gotta lilo. 
Those who make it don't use it. 
Those who buy it don't use it. 
Those who use it don't see it. 
What is it? 
It's a coffin! 
In similar vein, what gets wetter as it dries? 
A towel. 
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"  
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now." 
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."  
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence." 
If you're one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you. 
He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. 
Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world. 
Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm. 
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when 
you make it again. 
We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities. 
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to 
write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up. 
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick 
Sarcasm is the body's natural defence against stupidity. 

Xax International logo
 Xax International
 All rights reserved.