Newsletter and jokes 17 November 2017

Hi all 
Well the roads are getting a bit quieter in the mornings. Guess I have the 
students and matrics to thank for that.  
While we sit and contemplate the coup that is not a coup, let's see what's 
on at the movies... 
The big release this week is Justice League, which is one of those movies 
where the critics went "meh" and the crowds streamed in to enjoy... 
As a bit of counter-programming to all that action, we have an arthouse 
release looking at the back story behind Wonder Woman, which of course 
involves two wonder women... 
Also on the art circuit, a look at an attempt to assassinate one of  
Hitler's henchmen, during the early part of World War II.  
Moving on to more pleasant things, we have a new local Afrikaans comedy 
drama, with a Christmas theme. Staying with Christmas (guess it's early  
this year) we have an animated look at the nativity story, told from the  
point of view of the animals involved. Despite the cheesy premise, it's 
got above-average reviews so far. 
Lastly the Indian subcontinent provides a Hindi comedy, and a detective  
thriller releasing in both Tamil and Telugu. 
On the previews side, there are isolated previews for Disney's upcoming 
Coco on Sunday afternoon, and a handful for the new Murder on the Orient 
Express, next Thursday evening. See the previews page and remember to book. 
Lastly there are some screenings for Mozart's Die Zauberflote on at the  
Released 17 November 2017 
* Justice League (10 LV) 
* Justice League (3D) (10 LV) 
* Justice League (3D IMAX) (10 LV) 
* Justice League (4DX) (10 LV) 
* Professor Marston and the Wonder Women 
* The Man With the Iron Heart (18 V) 
* The Star (probably all ages or PG) 
* Liewe Kersfeesvader (PG10-12 L) 
* Tumhari Sulu (Hindi) 
* Theeran Adhigaaram Ondru (Tamil) 
* Theeran Adhigaaram Ondru (Telugu)  
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Police are hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed 6 people. 
They believe he could be following some kind of pattern 
A super model is marrying the engineer from Thunderbirds but will keep her 
She'll be known as Claudia Schiffer-Brains. 
I went to the gym and asked the trainer, what kind of machine I should use 
to make myself more attractive to women? 
He said "Cash Machine" 
Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a lorry went by loaded 
up with rolls of turf. 
Paddy said, 'I gonna do that when I win the lottery.' 
'What's dat?' says his mate. 
'Send me lawn away to be cut.' says Paddy 
An oldie... 
A husband and wife were having dinner at a fine restaurant when an 
absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the 
husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. 
His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!" 
"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress." 
The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce." 
"I understand," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a divorce, 
there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, Milan or Tokyo, no wintering 
in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. 
But... the decision is yours." 
Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a 
gorgeous woman on his arm. 
"Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks. 
"That's his mistress," replies her husband. 
"Oh!!," says the wife, "... Ours is prettier." 
I entered a pun competition in my local paper. 
I sent two lots of 5 entries and thought at least one would get published. 
But no pun in ten did. 
I live in my own little world, but it's OK. Everyone knows me here. 
I don't do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really 
I don't like political jokes. I've seen too many get elected. 
The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in 
Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I've stayed alive. 
No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team's winning. 
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery 
tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? 
Marriage changes passion . . . suddenly you're in bed with a relative. 
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? 
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. 
During a lull over a recent dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with 
the Secretary of  State, Rex Tillerson. "You know, I bought Donald a parrot 
for his birthday in June. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught 
him to say over two hundred words!" 
"Wow, that's pretty impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize that 
he just speaks the words, ...he doesn't really understand what they 
"Oh, I know," replied Melania, .........."neither does the parrot." 
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mum and said, "He fought 
with me again, I am coming to live with you." 
Mum said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live 
with you." 

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