Newsletter and jokes 1 December 2017

Hi all 
The countdown to Christmas has begun... and this year will be more  
interesting than others because of the politics in the middle... 
December means family fare, and yes Paddington is back. Paddington is the  
highest-grossing non-Hollywood family movie of all time, and is set to  
build on that record. (Well, not sure if they included Bollywood in that 
Then as a bit of counter-programming for all that family fun, we have 
the Bad Moms back again doing their raucous comedy thing. Also for adults 
and older teens, we have the tale of a hitchhike gone wrong. 
Staying with things automobile, Clint Eastwood's son headlines another 
variety of the 'fast and furious' genre, while the art circuit takes a look 
at the historic him-versus-her tennis match with Billie Jean King. 
The Bollywood film Padmavati was set to release this week but I guess all 
the death threats and threats of violence (in UK and India) led to it being 
held back. The strange thing is that people got upset about the film  
without even actually seeing it, and (according to reports) jumped to the  
wrong conclusions... but now the star and director are dealing with death  
Anyway... on the previews side there are previews tomorrow for the upcoming 
Afrikaans black comedy Vuil Wasgoed, and a few next Wednesday for Wonder, 
which is doing surprisingly well Stateside, given the unusual subject  
Released 1 December 2017 
* Paddington 2 (PG) 
* Paddington 2 (IMAX) (PG) 
* A Bad Moms Christmas (16 LSD) 
* Accident (16 LV) 
* Battle of the Sexes (PG10-12 P) 
* She is King (13 D) 
* Overdrive (13 V) 
* Overdrive (4DX) (13 V)  
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Many of the problems we face today exist because the people who work for a 
living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living. 
After  being married for more than 40 years....a wife asked  her husband to 
describe her. 
He  looked at her slowly...then said, "You're still  A, B, C, D,  E, 
F, G, H.... I, J,  K." 
She  asks..... "What does that  mean?" 
He  said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful,  Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, 
She  smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so  lovely..... What  about  I, 
J, K?" 
He  said, "I'm Just Kidding!" 
His  eye is still swollen....but it will get  better............ 
"Scientists in China say they have found a dolphin they previously thought 
was extinct. Scientists say the dolphin is rare, beautiful, and delicious 
with hot mustard sauce." 
--Conan O'Brien 
"Here is a very odd story. A woman in Tennessee is now suing a local 
pharmacy after buying what she thought were birth control patches. They 
turned out to be nicotine patches. The good news, her new baby is now down 
to a half a pack a day." 
--Jay Leno 
Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet a mother, rushed him to 
the emergency room. 
"He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through 
his system in a day or two." 
"How will I be sure?" she pressed. 
"Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. 
When he falls off, you'll know." 
A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people predict the 
future with cards?" 
His response was, "My mother can." 
The teacher replied, "Really?" 
The young boy was quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one look at my report 
card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home." 
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. 
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client. 
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!" 
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" 
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?" 
A farmer went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan 
was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money, came by a week later to see 
how the bull was doing. 
The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look 
at a cow. 
Banker Bill suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull. 
Next week, Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped. 
The farmer looked very pleased. "The bull has serviced all of my cows! He 
broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been 
breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine!" 
"Wow," said Banker Bill, "what did the vet do to that bull?" 
"Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer. 
"What kind of pills?" asked Banker Bill. 
"I don't know, but they kind of taste like peppermint." 

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