Newsletter and jokes 8 December 2017

Hi all 
It's been a bit hot down here lately.... which is not good for the dams. 
Or for trying to work ... was 30 degrees in office last night at 10pm. 
Anyway, the cinemas are always air-conditioned. Quite a full lineup this 
week, so let's kick off with the SA-flavoured ones first.. starting with 
a new Afrikaans black comedy, which is counterbalanced by limited  
screenings of a documentary about events leading up to the famous clash 
between Zola Budd and Mary Decker at the Olympics. 
For the kiddies (and families) we have Barbie making a rare big-screen  
appearance, and then Wonder... which is still doing surprisingly well 
The art circuit has a French movie which has had curiously little  
coverage overseas, but did pick up a nomination at Cannes. Also aimed 
at an older audience, we have Halle Berry anchoring a mothering action 
thriller, while the Indian subcontinent offers a Hindi comedy and Tamil 
drama, about a community with water problems. Topical :-) 
And then.... in a galaxy far, far away... or at your nearest cinema next 
Thursday night, Star Wars will be screening... enjoy :-) 
Released 8 December 2017 
* Wonder (PG7-9) 
* Kidnap (13 V) 
* Vuil Wasgoed (16 LV) 
* Barbie: Dolphin Magic 
* Beauty and the Dogs 
* The Fall 
* Fukrey Returns (Hindi) 
* Aramm (Tamil)  
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the 
house that he used to do. 
When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell 
me in plain English what is wrong with me." 
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." 
"OK," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." 
Summertime. Get fit. :-) 
1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be 
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat. 
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years. 
4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing .. yet lives for 100 years. 
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. 
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. 
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 
three wishes." 
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to 
mention that there was a condition to your wishes. 
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, 
"That's okay." 
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. 
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your 
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock 
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman 
and he will have eyes only for me." 
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world! 
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. 
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. 
And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay, 
because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." 
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! 
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a 
mild heart attack." 
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. 
Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here 
and continue feeling good. 
Male readers: Please scroll down. 
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife ... 
Moral of the story: Women are not really smart, they just think they are. 
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show 
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show 
that women never listen!!! 
"Doctor, Doctor! You've gotta help me!" cried the scared woman. "I have a 
piece of lettuce stuck in my ear!" 
"That looks nasty," commented the nurse. 
"Nasty?" replied the doctor. "You haven't seen anything yet." 
"What do you mean?" asked the nurse and alarmed patient, in unison. 
"This is just the tip of the iceberg!" replied the doctor. 
Joe sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of 
But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen 
before. "What do I do if she's really unattractive?" says Mike. "I'll be 
stuck with her all night." 
"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you 
like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 
'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack." 
So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is 
awe-struck at how attractive and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the 
girl suddenly shouts: 
A man goes to a doctor for a rash on his arm. "What do you do for a 
living?" the doctor asks him.  
"I work at the circus, giving enemas to the elephants," the guy says.  
"Quit doing that and the rash will clear up," the doctor says. 
The guy replies, horrified, "What? And get out of show business?" 

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