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Newsletter and jokes: 5 January 2018

Hi all

Congrats to the matrics who passed... 

Looks like the new year may start off with more interesting political
developments. Hopefully all for the better.

At the movies this week we have the sequel to The Nut Job for the little
ones, and an adult comedy for their parents. Also up on the art circuit
is a look at life post-war for American servicemen and women.

On the previews side, there's a premiere for The Commuter at Cape Gate IMAX
on Thursday night. Also the 3D IMAX version of Jumanji is now showing.

Enjoy :-)

Released 5 January 2018

* The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature (PG V)
* The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature (3D) (PG V)
* Father Figures (16 L)
* Thank You For Your Service (16 LVS)
* Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (3D IMAX) (13 LV)

Forthcoming attractions

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (full cellphone HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


After Osama's body was removed from his compound, the SEALs also removed a
whole heap of classified information which has helped uncover some of the
truth behind major events, including the 9/11 attacks.

According to information received from these doc*ments, September 11 was
actually caused by two Irish builders installing doors on the 20th floor.
When one of them asked the other to 'grab a plane and take a bit off the
top', all hell broke loose.


A couple was celebrating 50 years together.  Their three kids, all very
successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honour.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one .... 'Sorry I'm
running late.  I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know
how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father.  "The important thing is that we're all
together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad.   I
just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to
shop for you."

"It's nothing," said the father.  "We're glad you were able to come."

Just then the daughter arrived.  "Hello and happy anniversary!   I'm sorry,
but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I
didn't have time to get you anything."

After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your
mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time.  You see, we were
very poor.  Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college.
Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very
much, but we just never found the time to get married."

The three children gasped and all said, "You mean we're bastards?"

"Yep," said the father.  "And cheap ones too."


Employee:: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this
prestigious firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise.
I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to
talk to you first.

Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just
now is not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic
down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into
consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for
over a decade.

Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want
to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an
extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?

Employee: Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!

Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?

Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and my bank!


No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the
two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that's easy to understand.
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED. I beg
to differ because, there is :

When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE".

And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED"!

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ...


The secret of enjoying a good wine

1. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.

2. If it does not look as if it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.


Meghan Markle asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long
relationship... she replied "wear a seatbelt and don't annoy me!"

Nut Job 2Thank You for Your Service
Father FiguresNut Job 2 (3D)Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (3D IMAX)
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