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Newsletter and jokes: 16 February 2018

Hi all

My goodness what a week!

In a shocking move, the Film and Publications Board rerated South Africa's
multi-award-winning and official Oscars entrant film Inxeba - The Wound, 
from 16 LS to X18 LSNVP, which technically means that it is hard-core porn
and may only be distributed on disk by licensed "adult" shops.

The producers are exploring legal options to deal with this situation...

In other news, some rich and powerful people got arrested, others are on the 
lam, and we got a new president...

And Cape Town had some rain... 
Clearly Zuma's reign was interfering with Cape Town's rain.

The big release this week is Black Panther, billed as the first all-black
superhero film. It is joined on the commercial side by a new Afrikaans mystery, 
and on the art side by Oscar hopefuls I, Tonya and All the Money in the World.

India provides two new release, one a comedy and one a thriller.

Please note that our data feed on Thursday still has Inxeba screening at some 
venues, this may not be correct.

No previews this week, and NuMetro have closed their Walmer Park venue.

Released 16 February 2018

* Black Panther (PG10-12 V)
* Black Panther (3D) (PG10-12 V)
* Black Panther (3D IMAX) (PG10-12 V)
* Black Panther (4DX) (PG10-12 V)
* I, Tonya (16 LSVD)
* All the Money in the World (16 LVD)
* Raaiselkind (13 V)
* Aiyaary (Hindi)
* Kalakalappu 2 (Tamil)

Forthcoming attractions

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper for cellphones)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


The Recession hits everybody......

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Google and Apple laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies
while she danced.

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them
and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they
re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.


For the Americans...

If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport - you'll get a free x-ray
and a breast exam, AND, if you mention Al Qaeda, you'll get a free


On a recent visit to Rome, I was fortunate enough to meet the Pope.

Not sure what to say to his holiness, I decided to try a little humour.

"Holy Father" I said "Did you hear the one about the two Germans who walked
into a bar ..."

"Do you realise that I, too, am German?" he gracefully interrupted.

"Oh dear, of course" I said, "In that case I'll say it very slowly"


A University is an Institution.

The following may explain why university professors are kept safely away
from normal people, in institutions:

Two explanations of Darwinian evolution:

"Evolution is an integration of matter and concomitant dissipation of
motion; during which the matter passes from an indefinite,
incoherent homogeneity to a definite, coherent heterogeneity; and during
which the retained motion undergoes a parallel transformation." (Spencer

Which was then simplified to:

"Evolution is a change from nohowish, untalkaboutable all-alikeness, to a
somehowish and in-general-talkaboutable,
not-all-alikeness, by continuous somethingelseifications and
stick-togetherations." (Kirkman)


There is a tribe in deepest darkest Africa with a custom of beating the
ground with clubs while dancing around and uttering shrill cries of deep
emotional self-expression.

In sunny South Africa, it's called golf.


Two women whose husbands earned the same salary in the same company were
comparing their lifestyles.

“We just can't make ends meet on Bob's wages” said the first “How do you

“Every night we work on our budget” said the second woman. “By the time we
balance the cheque book, credit card and mortgage payments, its too damn
late to do anything or go anywhere.


Despite the laws of physics, it is never the cold women who get the fur


"Do you realise how some poor dumb beast suffered so that you could have
that fur coat?"

"Don't say that about my husband."

RaaiselkindBlack PantherI, TonyaBlack Panther (3D)Kalakalappu 2Black Panther (4DX)
Black Panther (3D IMAX)All the Money in the WorldAiyaary
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