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Newsletter and jokes: 9 March 2018

Hi all

Well the Oscars and Razzies came and went, the big loser at the Razzies
was The Emoji Movie, and the big winner at the Oscars was The Shape of 
Water, getting some much-needed love over Three Billboards.

In another week of high drama, a court has temporarily lifted the X18
(aka porn) age restriction on Inxeba, reducing it to 18, while the issue
is legally resolved. That means Inxeba is back on circuit as of today...
catch it while you can. The court case was particularly interesting because
the FPB stuck by its 16 LS rating, in effect opposing the FPB Appeals 
Board, which is a separate entity, and it was the Appeals Board that had
decided on the X18 rating. This issue should be resolved in the next two 

Speaking of award-winning films, there are isolated previews on Saturday
for Meerkat Maantuig, which has started picking awards overseas. It's 
heart-warming that the SA film industry is finding its feet and producing
films which international audiences can appreciate, as opposed to yet
another candid-camera comedy. See the previews page and remember to book.

The big release this week is the remake of Death Wish, which has been 
harshly received by the critics... though the public seems to think it's 

Staying with the action, we have The 15:17 to Paris, showing that old
age on the part of Clint Eastwood is no obstacle to churning out movies.
The last new Hollywood commercial release is Downsizing, which like the 
other two, has failed to excite the critics much, nor the box office for 
that matter.

Switching to something more upbeat (well, dark comedy), we have the locally
produced Catching Feelings, about how good situations can go badly wrong.

On the art circuit we have an offbeat bio-drama with bits of comedy, while
India provides a Hindi drama and Tamil religious epic. Enjoy.

Released 9 March 2018

* Death Wish (18 LVD)
* Downsizing (13 LND)
* The 15:17 to Paris (13 LVD)
* Catching Feelings (16 LNSD)
* Final Portrait (16 LD)
* 3 Storeys (Hindi)
* Brahmanda Nayagan (Tamil)

Forthcoming attractions

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


AUGUSTA, Ga. - A U.S. Marine reservist collecting toys for children was
stabbed when he helped stop a suspected shoplifter in eastern Georgia.

Best Buy sales manager Orvin Smith told The Augusta Chronicle that the man
was seen on surveillance cameras Friday putting a laptop under his jacket
at the Augusta store.

When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a
knife and ran toward the door. Outside were four Marines collecting toys
for the service branch's "Toys For Tots" program.

Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them, Cpl.
Phillip Duggan, in the back. The cut did not appear to be severe. The
suspect, whose name was not released, was held until police arrived. The
Richmond County Sheriff's office said it is investigating.

The suspect was transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a
broken leg, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions and assorted
lacerations including a broken nose and jaw... Injuries he sustained when
he fell trying to run after stabbing the Marine.


Doctor, doctor ...

Patient: "Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards.'
Shrink: "Please take a seat and I'll deal with you in a moment."

It is a clear point of established medical fact that the limbic system
controls the four 'F's. Feeding, Fighting, Fleeing and

"Doctor, I had a vivid dream that I ate a giant marshmallow man. But when I
woke up, my pillow was gone."
"How do you feel" asked the doctor.
"A little down in the mouth."

"Doctor, I think I'm becoming a kleptomaniac, I can't stop stealing
"Then take these pills, they should help.
"But what if they don't? asked the troubled patient.
"Then come back next week and bring me a blue-ray player and a flat panel


At the cinema yesterday, I couldn't help notice an old bloke sitting in the
front row with his dog. It was one of those films - sad here and there and
very funny at other times. In the sad parts, the dog cried like a baby and
then laughed madly at the funny bits.
This went on through the whole movie.

On the way out, I couldn't contain my curiosity, so I spoke to the man.

"That's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Your dog really enjoyed that
movie, it's remarkable!"

"Yeah it is." said the old man "He hated the book."


Why do seagulls live near the sea? Because if they lived near the bay, they
would be bagels.


Three doctors died in a car accident and arrived at the pearly gates.

"What have you done during your life to deserve entry to heaven" asked St
Peter of the first.

"I spent my whole career in an emergency ward and saved the lives of
hundreds and thousands of people"
"Welcome" said St Peter "Come right in"

"And you?" enquired St Peter.

"I spent much of my life working in poor countries saving lives of tens of
thousands of underprivileged children" said the second quack.

"Welcome" said St Peter "You too can come right in"

"And now for you" said St Peter "What do you have to say?"

"Well I worked in managed care in a large city hospital. I saved tens of
millions of dollars."

"Enter" said St Peter "But you can only stay for 48 hours"


Lawyer, lawyer .... (yes, we're an equal opportunity mocker)

What do you get if you cross a Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can't

A bloke walked into a bar with a crocodile on a leash. "Do you serve
lawyers in this pub?" asked the bloke.
"Sir we serve everyone here" said the bartender.'
"Good. In that case, I'll have a light beer for me and a lawyer for my

I work for a lawyer who told me I'll get a pay raise when I've earned it.
He's crazy if he thinks I'm going to wait that long.

Why do they bury lawyers six feet under? 
Because deep down, they are really nice people.

Experts are people who know a great deal about very little and go on to
learn more and more about less and less until they know almost everything
about nothing.
Lawyers on the other hand, know very little about many things and continue
to learn less and less about more and more until they understand
practically nothing about everything.

Final PortraitDeath Wish3 StoreysBrahmanda NayaganThe 15:17 to Paris
Catching FeelingsDownsizing
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