Newsletter and jokes 9 March 2018

Hi all 
Well the Oscars and Razzies came and went, the big loser at the Razzies 
was The Emoji Movie, and the big winner at the Oscars was The Shape of  
Water, getting some much-needed love over Three Billboards.  
In another week of high drama, a court has temporarily lifted the X18 
(aka porn) age restriction on Inxeba, reducing it to 18, while the issue 
is legally resolved. That means Inxeba is back on circuit as of today... 
catch it while you can. The court case was particularly interesting because 
the FPB stuck by its 16 LS rating, in effect opposing the FPB Appeals  
Board, which is a separate entity, and it was the Appeals Board that had 
decided on the X18 rating. This issue should be resolved in the next two  
Speaking of award-winning films, there are isolated previews on Saturday 
for Meerkat Maantuig, which has started picking awards overseas. It's  
heart-warming that the SA film industry is finding its feet and producing 
films which international audiences can appreciate, as opposed to yet 
another candid-camera comedy. See the previews page and remember to book. 
The big release this week is the remake of Death Wish, which has been  
harshly received by the critics... though the public seems to think it's  
Staying with the action, we have The 15:17 to Paris, showing that old 
age on the part of Clint Eastwood is no obstacle to churning out movies. 
The last new Hollywood commercial release is Downsizing, which like the  
other two, has failed to excite the critics much, nor the box office for  
that matter. 
Switching to something more upbeat (well, dark comedy), we have the locally 
produced Catching Feelings, about how good situations can go badly wrong. 
On the art circuit we have an offbeat bio-drama with bits of comedy, while 
India provides a Hindi drama and Tamil religious epic. Enjoy. 
Released 9 March 2018 
* Death Wish (18 LVD) 
* Downsizing (13 LND) 
* The 15:17 to Paris (13 LVD) 
* Catching Feelings (16 LNSD) 
* Final Portrait (16 LD) 
* 3 Storeys (Hindi) 
* Brahmanda Nayagan (Tamil)  
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
AUGUSTA, Ga. - A U.S. Marine reservist collecting toys for children was 
stabbed when he helped stop a suspected shoplifter in eastern Georgia. 
Best Buy sales manager Orvin Smith told The Augusta Chronicle that the man 
was seen on surveillance cameras Friday putting a laptop under his jacket 
at the Augusta store. 
When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a 
knife and ran toward the door. Outside were four Marines collecting toys 
for the service branch's "Toys For Tots" program. 
Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them, Cpl. 
Phillip Duggan, in the back. The cut did not appear to be severe. The 
suspect, whose name was not released, was held until police arrived. The 
Richmond County Sheriff's office said it is investigating. 
The suspect was transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a 
broken leg, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions and assorted 
lacerations including a broken nose and jaw... Injuries he sustained when 
he fell trying to run after stabbing the Marine. 
Doctor, doctor ... 
Patient: "Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards.' 
Shrink: "Please take a seat and I'll deal with you in a moment." 
It is a clear point of established medical fact that the limbic system 
controls the four 'F's. Feeding, Fighting, Fleeing and 
"Doctor, I had a vivid dream that I ate a giant marshmallow man. But when I 
woke up, my pillow was gone." 
"How do you feel" asked the doctor. 
"A little down in the mouth." 
"Doctor, I think I'm becoming a kleptomaniac, I can't stop stealing 
"Then take these pills, they should help. 
"But what if they don't? asked the troubled patient. 
"Then come back next week and bring me a blue-ray player and a flat panel 
At the cinema yesterday, I couldn't help notice an old bloke sitting in the 
front row with his dog. It was one of those films - sad here and there and 
very funny at other times. In the sad parts, the dog cried like a baby and 
then laughed madly at the funny bits. 
This went on through the whole movie. 
On the way out, I couldn't contain my curiosity, so I spoke to the man. 
"That's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Your dog really enjoyed that 
movie, it's remarkable!" 
"Yeah it is." said the old man "He hated the book." 
Why do seagulls live near the sea? Because if they lived near the bay, they 
would be bagels. 
Three doctors died in a car accident and arrived at the pearly gates. 
"What have you done during your life to deserve entry to heaven" asked St 
Peter of the first. 
"I spent my whole career in an emergency ward and saved the lives of 
hundreds and thousands of people" 
"Welcome" said St Peter "Come right in" 
"And you?" enquired St Peter. 
"I spent much of my life working in poor countries saving lives of tens of 
thousands of underprivileged children" said the second quack. 
"Welcome" said St Peter "You too can come right in" 
"And now for you" said St Peter "What do you have to say?" 
"Well I worked in managed care in a large city hospital. I saved tens of 
millions of dollars." 
"Enter" said St Peter "But you can only stay for 48 hours" 
Lawyer, lawyer .... (yes, we're an equal opportunity mocker) 
What do you get if you cross a Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can't 
A bloke walked into a bar with a crocodile on a leash. "Do you serve 
lawyers in this pub?" asked the bloke. 
"Sir we serve everyone here" said the bartender.' 
"Good. In that case, I'll have a light beer for me and a lawyer for my 
I work for a lawyer who told me I'll get a pay raise when I've earned it. 
He's crazy if he thinks I'm going to wait that long. 
Why do they bury lawyers six feet under?  
Because deep down, they are really nice people. 
Experts are people who know a great deal about very little and go on to 
learn more and more about less and less until they know almost everything 
about nothing. 
Lawyers on the other hand, know very little about many things and continue 
to learn less and less about more and more until they understand 
practically nothing about everything. 

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