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Newsletter and jokes: 26 April 2018

Hi all

For those of you getting a mega-long weekend, enjoy.
Some of us have to work... :-)

Anyway, we have two releases today, one being an Afrikaans adult film,
the other an arthouse release, and then tomorrow The Avengers are out in
full force. Note that there are previews for The Avengers tonight but 
I'm sure they're all sold out by now.

Also this week at selected Nu Metro cinemas, you can catch MTN Joyous 
Celebration 22: All for You, which is Christian music. 

On the previews side, there are previews at some or most cinemas for 
"I Can Only Imagine" on Sunday, "I Feel Pretty" all day Tuesday, and 
"Maya the Bee: The Honey Games" during the day on Saturday and Tuesday.

Businesswise, A Quiet Place reclaimed the top spot on the US box office
from Rampage. It's doing unexpectedly well Stateside, but not as well here
or in the UK. Strange how different films work in different markets.

In other news, I'm trying an experiment on the home page, highlighting
what is in my opinion the most interesting poster for the week. I've
had complaints in the past about the young ladies I normally feature (some
people think I show too much chest, but I try to keep it family friendly) 
and others want more beefcake .... Guess I can't please everyone all of the
time ....

Enjoy :-)

Released 26 April 2018

* Wonderlus (16 LSD)
* Madame (16 LNSDP)

Releasing 27 April 2018

* Avengers: Infinity War (3D) (13 LV)
* Avengers: Infinity War (13 LV)
* Avengers: Infinity War (3D IMAX) (13 LV)
* Avengers: Infinity War (4DX) (13 LV) 

Forthcoming attractions

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week (to be decided shortly)

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if its big put three fingers in.

Make sure its wet, rub it up and down. Yeah...................!

That's how you wash a cup.


Paddy takes his goldfish to the vet.   
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.  
The vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me". 

Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".



TV: "Congratulations Prime Minister. Before we start, as we stand here on
Thursday afternoon, do you accept that tomorrow will be Friday?"

PM: "We have always supported the standard structure of the calendar and
acknowledge that the public expect a regular system that provides the
rhythm necessary for everyday planning and life structures. We feel very
strongly about this."

TV: "So you do agree that tomorrow is Friday?"

PM: "It isn't important whether it is Friday or Monday. What is important
is that unexpected changes don't interfere with the normal expectations of
the public - and this government has a solid record in supporting those

TV: "But as today is Thursday, surely you can confirm that tomorrow is

PM: "Everything is relative and whether the next day is Wednesday or Sunday
is dependent on where you stand at the time. We have never challenged the
current system and have the full support of the unions on this. Most
intelligent people agree that changes are not required."

TV: "Well then, what day is tomorrow?"

PM: "Tomorrow is the next day in our plan to further develop our marvellous
country in many areas. We plan to continue providing better health care,
reduced debt, reduced unemployment, controlled immigration and to be a
world leader in controlling global warming."

TV: "Returning to the question, can you not confirm that Friday is

PM: "Friday is always around. It has been around many times before and will
be around again many more times. Which is why we need - as a responsible
government - to plan and organise for the future. Not just for tomorrow,
but for our children and their children.

TV: "Prime Minister, the viewers are waiting for your answer on what day
you think tomorrow is?"

PM: "We are dealing with bigger issues here. The Friday, Saturday, Sunday
thing is not important or relevant to the scheme of things. They need to
understand the critical issues and focus on the matters of concern, such
as the condition of our nation and how we can continue to develop it so
that all may reap the benefit."

TV: "I'm sorry, we seem to have lost the point here again. Are you saying
that it isn't Friday tomorrow?"

PM: "The reality is that it is not important what day it is. What is
important is how we handle the situation - and my government is handling
it with solid policies evolved from the mandate the people gave us."

TV: "But we just want to know if you agree that it will be Friday

PM: "Let's remain focused here. It is the nation that is important and we
stand fast and rock steady in our dedication to the job in hand. In
let me say this one more time - we are fully committed to the task and have
commissioned a report that will enable us to develop the plans for the
future. Thank you."

TV: "Prime Minister?????????????..."


A local policeman had just finished his shift one July evening and was at
home with his wife.

"You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the
force I've never seen anything like it."

"Oh yes dear, what happened?"

"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery
acid and the other was eating fireworks."

"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them?"

"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."


The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Rifles Over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9. You can keep one Rifle at home and have another for when you're on the
#8. If you admire a friend's Rifle and tell him so, he will probably let
you try it out a few times.
#7. Your primary Rifle doesn't mind if you keep another Rifle for a backup.
#6. Your Rifle will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5. A Rifle doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4. Rifles function normally every day of the month.
#3. A Rifle doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2. A Rifle doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the number one reason a Rifle is favoured over a woman:

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