Newsletter and jokes 4 May 2018

Hi all 
Well yes, Avengers: Infinity War rewrote the record books last weekend,  
certainly in the States and elsewhere, and also apparently here, judging 
by a news report I saw. We're still waiting for the official numbers, there 
are computer problems somewhere causing a holdup. 
It's more than likely to remain top of the US and local charts again this 
By way of comparison, here's the top five from the UK, compare the earnings 
of the top few ... figures are in British pounds. 
 1 	 Avengers: Infinity War  29,379,496  
 2 	 Guernsey Literary And Potato Peel Pie Society  968,681  
 3 	 A Quiet Place  920,235  
 4 	 Rampage  735,856  
 5 	 Peter Rabbit  585,713  
From the US, these comments from BoxOfficeMojo: 
Audiences assembled worldwide as Disney and Marvel's Avengers: Infinity War 
broke both the domestic opening weekend box office record and worldwide  
opening record with a massive $257.7 million domestically and $630 million  
Infinity War's opening weekend bests the previous record of $247.9 million  
set by Star Wars: The Force Awakens back in December 2015 by just under $10  
Additional domestic records of note include the largest single Saturday 
gross, largest single Sunday gross, largest April opening, largest Spring  
opening, widest PG-13 release and fastest film to $150, $200 and $250  
Note that the film has not opened in Russia or China yet, which would have 
boosted the numbers even more. 
Anyway, back down to earth and this weekend has a full lineup, but in  
reality it's a bit of a breather while Avengers sets the pace. 
Lets do this age-wise, more or less: For the very little kiddies, the  
second Maya the Bee movie has landed, with a plotline "borrowed" from 
The Hunger Games, more or less. 
Then we have Disney's A Wrinkle in Time, which is not getting saturation 
coverage, presumably due to a tepid reception Stateside. The less 
dramatic Every Day will take up the slack in this market, capturing the  
tweens and younger teens.  
As a bit of counter-programming to all that sweetness and light, the  
comedy I Feel Pretty is adult-comedy-lite, while the older teens and adults 
can catch the latest Steven Soderbergh release, Unsane, mostly at the  
Also on the art circuit is My Blind Date with Life, in German. 
Lastly Bollywood supplies a comedy about getting old. As a matter of  
interest, Sony is releasing 102 Not Out in the USA, into 102 theatres... 
Art lovers can catch Cosi Fan Tutte (opera) and The Flames of Paris  
(ballet) at the Nouveas. 
On the previews side, there are a few previews next Wednesday night for  
Traffik, which deals with human trafficking in the USA. 
Enjoy :-) 
Released 4 May 2018 
* Maya the Bee: The Honey Games (3D) (PG V) 
* Maya the Bee: The Honey Games (PG V) 
* A Wrinkle in Time (3D) (PG V) 
* A Wrinkle in Time (PG V) 
* Every Day (PG10-12 L) 
* I Feel Pretty (13 LSNDP) 
* Unsane (16 LVSDH) 
* My Blind Date with Life (13 LSVD) 
* 102 Not Out  
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full 
Pick of the Week  
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating to be updated.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
From subscriber Saleem: 
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. 
One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved cricket all our lives, and we played 
cricket on Saturdays together for so many years. 
Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me 
know if there's bat and ball there." 
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend 
for many years. 
If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you. 
Shortly after that, Joe passes on. 
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep 
by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, 
"Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" 
"Mike--it's me, Joe." 
"You're not Joe. Joe just died." 
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice." 
"Joe! Where are you?" 
"In heaven", replies Joe." 
I have some really good news and a little bad news." 
"Tell me the good news first," says Mike. 
"The good news," Joe says," is that there's bat and ball in heaven. 
Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. 
Better than that, we're all young again. 
Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. 
 And best of all, we can play cricket all we want, and we never get tired." 
That's fantastic," says Mike." 
 It's beyond my wildest dreams! 
So, what's the bad news? 
"You're in the team for this Saturday's match !!!" 
Think about UP 
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter 
word, and that word is 'UP.' 
It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v]. 
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the 
list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? 
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the 
officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a 
report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver,  
warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and  
fix UP the old car. 
At other times this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP 
trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. 
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. 
And this UP is confusing:  A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked  
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to  
be pretty mixed UP about UP ! 
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the 
dictionary.. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the 
page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. 
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP 
is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you 
may wind UP with a hundred or more. 
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes  
out we say it is clearing UP.  
When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. 
When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on & on, but 
I'll wrap it UP, for now time is UP ! more thing: 
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at 
Did that one crack you UP? 
Don't screw UP. 
Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book..or's UP 
to you. 
Now I'll shut UP 
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court 
Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week.' 
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and  then 
I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.' 
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks 
him how he is feeling. 
'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in 
surgery,' he answered. 
'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 
I'm really starting to hate these stupid little Russian Dolls. 
They're so full of themselves. 
A mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... She, 
of course, turns him down. Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her... 
"C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy..." 
Two strings walk up to a bar... The first string walks in and 
orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings 
in this bar... The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls 
up and orders... The bartender shouts, Hey, didn't you hear what I told 
your buddy?" String says "Yeah." Bartender says, "aren't you a string?" 
String says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..." 
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain 
during root canal work because he wanted to transcend dental medication? 
It was a doctor's regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut 
daiquiri on his way home and, aware of his habit, the bartender would 
always have the drink waiting for him at precisely 5:18 PM. One afternoon 
as the end of the work-day neared the bartender was dismayed to find he 
was out of hazelnut extract but, thinking quickly, he threw together a 
daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in 
at his regular time, took one sip of the drink, then exclaimed: "This 
isn't a hazelnut daiquiri", to which the bartender replied, "No, I'm 
sorry, it's a hickory daiquiri, doc." 

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