Newsletter and jokes 18 May 2018

Hi all 
So everyone's favourite foul-mouthed superhero hits the screens today, both 
here and internationally, in Deadpool 2. Stateside they're expecting it to 
break the opening record for R-rated movies. It's probably not going to 
be as big as Infinity War (which is now the 4th largest release of all 
time globally), given the age demographics, but it will mark the second 
time this year that two Marvel movies are on the Top Ten lists together. 
A bit of trivia: of the top ten movies globally (all time), four are 
from Marvel. Quite amazing what men in tights can do :-) 
The rest of this week's commercial lineup consists of basically one movie: 
Melissa McCarthy's Life of the Party, which had a disappointing reception 
Stateside, in line with the below-average reviews. 
This week's arthouse release is a war drama set in the trenches of World 
War I, while India supplies Kaali, in Tamil. 
Nu Metro is once again showing a legacy double feature in three venues 
in Gauteng, while opera lovers can catch Luisa Miller at the Nouveaus 
and Gateway. 
No previews this week. For those of you busy with exams, good luck :-) 
Lastly, note that although Deadpool 2 is also releasing in IMAX and 4DX,  
these are 2D not 3D ... there is no 3D version. 
Coming next week: Star Wars returns... 
Released 18 May 2018 
* Deadpool 2 (16 LSVD PPS) 
* Deadpool 2 (IMAX) (16 LSVD PPS) 
* Deadpool 2 (4DX) (16 LSVD PPS) 
* Life of the Party (13 LSVD) 
* Journey's End (16 LVD) 
* Kaali 
* Mzansi 'Black Tax' - 'iMbali' Double Feature (13 LV)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating to be updated.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
David Beckham gets into a taxi... 
"Heathrow Airport please driver" he says 
After about 10 minutes he spots the driver giving him a few looks in the 
rear view mirror. this happens continuously until they approach the 
Driver says "come on mate, give us a clue..." 
Beckham replies "Had a great career at Man Utd, Real Madrid, played in 
Italy and America, and won over 100 caps for England...." 
Driver says "No you fool, which terminal?".. 
My wife asked me about the cut on my finger. 
"Oh, that." I said. " I was cutting up some string using the scissors." 
She said. "That was clumsy." 
I said. "Yeah. Anyway, are you looking forward to your sky dive tomorrow?" 
An older couple is lying in bed one morning. 
They had just awakened from a good night's sleep. 
He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.' 
'Why not?' he asked. 
She answered, 'Because I'm dead.' 
The husband asked... 
'What are you talking about? 
We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!' 
She said, 'No, I'm definitely dead.' 
He insisted, 'You are not dead. What in the world makes you think you're 
'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.' 
Quiz shows ... 
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? 
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point. 
Jamie Theakston: There's a clue in the title. 
Contestant: Leicester 
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? 
Contestant: I don't know. 
Stewart White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between  
your hand and your shoulder? 
Contestant: Arm 
Stewart White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...? 
Contestant: Strong. 
Stewart White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name? 
Contestant: Louis 
Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the 
song What A Wonderful World? 
Contestant: Frank Sinatra? 
Bamber Gascoyne: What was Gandhi's first name? 
Contestant: Goosey? 
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? 
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then. 
Phil: What's 11 squared? 
Contestant: I don't know. 
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle. 
Contestant: Is it five? 
Richard: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? 
Contestant: Forrest Gump. 
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? 
Contestant: Barcelona . 
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. 
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain ... 
Question: What is the world's largest continent? 
Contestant: The Pacific.. 
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a  
famous painting by Leonardo da 
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? 
James O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? 
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth .. ER ... Three? 
Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ? 
Caller: Japan . 
Chris Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear  
that, I can let you try again. 
Caller: Er ........... Mexico ? 
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? 
Contestant (long pause): Fourteen days. 
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer  
can fall asleep at any time? 
Contestant: Nostalgia. 
Apparently Apple have scrapped plans for a new ipod for kids. 
Apparently the name 'iTouch kids' was not suitable. 

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