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Newsletter and jokes: 8 June 2018

Hi all

T. Rex is back on the big screen today. We're actually getting to see it
two weeks ahead of the Yanks.

Staying with the strong and mighty, another version of the Samson and 
Deliah tale graces our screens.

This week's arthouse releae is Based on a True Story, from (um, ahem) Roman
Polanski, while India supplies a gangster thriller in no less than 
three language versions.

Early reviews for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom have been above average,
and, given that it's been three years since the last film, it should do
well here.

On the previews side, there are previews at selected venues for Ocean's 8, 
which opens in two weeks time, next Thursday.  See the previews page and 
remember to book.

Released 8 June 2018

* Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (3D) (13 LV)
* Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (13 LV)
* Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (3D IMAX) (13 LV)
* Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (4DX) (13 LV)
* Samson (13 VP)
* Based on a True Story (13 L)
* Kaala (Tamil)
* Kaala (Hindi)
* Kaala (Telugu) 

Forthcoming attractions

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week 

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


A man applying for a job at a Mildura lemon grove seemed to be far too
qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; have you had any
actual experience in picking lemons?"

The man replied: "Yes, I have. I've been divorced three times,
I bought a Pajero once and I voted for Jacob Zuma."


After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their
holiday away from school.

One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.

They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they
moved to Arizona: now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green
to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags
because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it
fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't
do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it.
He watches all day so nobody can escape.

Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.

And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds.

Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house.

The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and
says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.

When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.
Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man...

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die...

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." 
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the
newspaper you are misinformed.
-Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a
man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support
of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt
he proposes to pay off with your money.
-G. Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what
to have for dinner.
-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in
rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
-Douglas Casey,

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to
teenage boys.
-P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live
at the expense of everybody else.
-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs
when it's free!
- P.J. O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as
possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
-Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics
won't take an interest in you!
-Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in
-Mark Twain (1866 )

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal:  a happy appetite at one
end and no responsibility at the other.
-Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings.
The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the
taxidermist leaves the skin.
-Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill
the world with fools.
-Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough
to take everything you have.
-Thomas Jefferson

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (3D)Jurassic World: Fallen KingdomJurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (4DX)Based on a True StoryKaala (Tamil)Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (3D IMAX)
Kaala (Hindi)Kaala (Telugu)Samson
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