Newsletter and jokes 15 June 2018

Hi all 
Well after 14 years The Incredibles are back on screen, as we head for  
the winter school holidays. Since exams are now mostly over, it should 
do well. Overseas reviews are very good. 
The second sequel this week is Super Troopers 2, which left some critics 
wondering why it was made. It's on very limited release. 
Then for the end of Ramadan, we have high action from Bollywood with yet 
another sequel, in the form of Race 3, which is even screening in 3D too. 
And lastly... Hereditary... which I thought was going to be an arthouse 
release but it's on the mainstream circuit. The critics overseas have been 
raving about it, and suggest you don't go and see it at night if you're 
going to be going home alone ... In some ways it continues the trend that 
started with Get Out and continued with A Quiet Place ... movies that  
scare you by being scary rather than shocking horror. 
So if you need your date all over you, you know what to watch... :-) 
On the previews side, there are premiere previews at selected venues next 
Wednesday evening for Ocean's 8. See the previews page and remember to book. 
Released 15 June 2018 
* Incredibles 2 (3D) 
* Incredibles 2 
* Hereditary (16 LNVHD) 
* Super Troopers 2 (16 LNVD) 
* Race 3 (3D) 
* Race 3   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I was watching a documentary on TV last night, about a tribe in the Amazon 
jungle, and was amazed to see that the people of the tribe only ever eat 
small pieces of bent wire. Astonishing that they could survive on such an 
obvious lack of nutrition; then I remembered that it is, after all, their 
staple diet. 
Senior's ads... 
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 
80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), 
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. 
Matching white shoes and belt a plus. 
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, 
and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. 
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem. 
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. 
If you are the silent type, let's get together, 
take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times. 
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share 
rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy. 
I still like to rock, 
still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play 
the guitar. 
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, 
let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes. 
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. 
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads 
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, 
many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. 
Isn't in running condition, but walks well. 
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.  He said, "I 
want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards." 
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the 
kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat 
tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he 
think this place is, an auto parts store?" 
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of 
headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of 
crisp bacon." 
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then 
spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. 
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?" 
 She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, 
headlights and running boards, you might as well top up your gas. 
The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest 
and room-service in China...... 
Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees." 
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." 
Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???" 
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs." 
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?" 
Guest: ".....What??" 
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?" 
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please." 
Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken ? Creepse?" 
Guest: "Crisp will be fine." 
Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?" 
Guest: "What?" 
Room Service: "An toes. ulai sahn toes?" 
Guest: "I.... Don't think so.." 
Room Service: "No?  Udo wan sahn toes???" 
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn 
toes' means." 
Room Service: "Toes! Toes!...Why Uoo don wan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we 
Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... 
Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine." 
Room Service: "We botter?" 
Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side." 
Room Service: "Wad?!?" 
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side." 
Room Service: "Copy?" 
Guest: "Excuse me?" 
Room Service: "Copy...tea..meel?" 
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything." 
Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken , Anglish moppin, we 
botter on sigh and copy ... Rye ??" 
Guest: "Whatever you say." 
RoomService: "Tanjooberrymutts." 
Guest: "You're welcome" 
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to 
keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of 
distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. 
When you pass  the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the 
scent of fresh  mown hay. 
In the meat department, there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with 
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air 
is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon  and eggs frying. 
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & 
I don't buy toilet paper there any more. 
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished  
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get 
married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." 
A young son asked, "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man 
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in 
every country, son." 
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was 
until I got married, and by then, it was too late." 
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. 
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word 
you say -- talk in your sleep. 
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking 
they had no faults at all. 
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, 
mine's still alive." 

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