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Newsletter and jokes: 22 June 2018



Hi all

Midwinter ... at least the days will be getting longer now. Hopefully the 
good rains we've been having down here in the Western Cape will continue.

At the movies this week we kick off with the first all-female crew in the 
"Ocean's" franchise. It's doing pretty well Stateside at the box office.

That's followed by some cold-weather cat and mouse games with Braven, while
the local industry rolls out an adult comedy in Afrikaans with Thys & Trix.

On the art circuit (and venues catering to that market) we have two films,
one a highly rated animated film (Isle of Dogs) while On Chesil Beach takes
us back to gentler times in 1962 with a cross-class romance.

Then Incredibles 2 is now rolling out on IMAX, and Kollywood delivers some
space-based high action in Tik Tik Tik.

Forgot to mention last week that there's the European Film Festival running
at the Nouveaus.

Lastly on the previews side, there are previews at selected venues next
Thursday evening for the female-friendly Book Club. See the previews page
and remember to book.

Released 22 June 2018

* Ocean's 8 (13 LD IAT)
* Braven (16 LVD)
* Thys & Trix (16 LVD)
* Isle of Dogs (PG10-12 LV)
* On Chesil Beach (16 LNSV)
* Incredibles 2 (3D IMAX)
* Tik Tik Tik

http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm 

Forthcoming attractions
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm 

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy was in   New York  .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street
crossing.  The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay,
pedestrians..'   Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went
over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the
obituary column that he had died.   He quickly phoned his best friend,
Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney.  'Where are ye callin' from?'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff
one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch!   What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.

I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me
lately!

No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18"

"If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits
on the highway?"

Why do we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss
America?"

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery
tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery.
There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point
involved.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal
probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years .... then we met.

Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you
anyway.

I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.

Sign in pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?

I see your IQ test results were negative.

Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while
driving.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Frank Lingua, president and CEO of Dissembling Associates, is the
nation's leading purveyor of buzzwords, catch phrases and clichés for
people too busy to speak in plain English.


This interview by Dan Danbom of Business Finance Magazine …


Danbom: Is being a cliché expert a full-time job?
Lingua: Bottom line is I have a full plate 24/7.

D. Is it hard to keep up with the seemingly endless supply of clichés
that spew from business?
L. Some days, I don't have the bandwidth. It's like drinking from a fire
hydrant.

D. So it's difficult?
L. Harder than nailing jelly to the wall.

D. Where do most clichés come from?
L. Stakeholders push the envelope until it's outside the box.

D. How do you track them once they've been coined?
L. It's like herding cats.

D. Can you predict whether a phrase is going to become a cliché?
L. Yes. I skate to where the puck's going to be. Fish where the fish are.
Because if you aren't the lead dog, you're not providing a customer-centric
proactive solution.

D. Give us a new buzzword that we'll be hearing ad nauseum.
L. "Eskomitis" could be a viable next-generation player.

D. Do people understand your role as a cliché expert?
L. No, they can't get their arms around that. But they aren't incented
to, of course. We aren’t keeping them moist enough.

D. How do people know you're a cliché expert?
L. Light bulb moment, Dan. I walk the walk and talk the talk.

D. Did incomprehensibility come naturally to you?
L. I wasn't wired that way, but it became mission-critical as I
strategically focused on my go-forward plan.

D. What did you do to develop this talent?
L. It's not rocket science. It's not brain surgery. When you drill down
to the granular level, it's just basic blocking and tackling.

D. How do you know if you're successful in your work?
L. At the end of the day, it's all about robust, world-class, leading-edge
quality language  solutions.

D. How do you stay ahead of others in the buzzword industry?
L. Net-net, my value proposition is based on maximizing synergies and
being first to market with a leveraged, value-added deliverable. That's the
opportunity space on this level playing field let me tell you.

D. Does everyone in business eventually devolve into the sort of mindless
drivel you spout?
L. If you walk like a duck and talk like a duck, you're a duck.

D. Do you read "Dilbert" in the newspaper?
L. My knowledge base is de-selective of fiber media.

D. Does that mean "no"?
L. Negative.

D. DOES THAT MEAN "NO"?
L. Let's take your issues offline.

D. NO, WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE MY "ISSUES" OFFLINE!
L. You have a result-driven mind-set that isn't a strategic fit with my
game plan.

D. ACTUALLY, I WANT TO PUSH YOUR FACE IN.
L. Your call is very important to me.

D. How can you live with yourself?
L. I eat my own dog food. My vision is to monetize scalable supply
chains.

D. When are you going to quit this?
L. I may eventually exit the business to pursue other career
opportunities. Consulting seems nice.

D. I hate you.
L. Take it and run with it. Talk to the hand, ’cause the face ain’t
listening.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


* Accept that some days you're the pigeon,
And some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet,
Just in case you have to eat them.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be
"Recalled" by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
It was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
Because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well.
Just get up and dance.

* When everything's coming your way,
You're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you.
The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world,
But you may also be the world to one person...

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and
some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colours, but
they all have to live in the same box.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.


Tik Tik TikIsle of DogsOn Chesil BeachBravenOcean's 8Thys & Trix
Newsletter
Incredibles 2 (3D IMAX)
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