Newsletter and jokes 22 June 2018

Hi all 
Midwinter ... at least the days will be getting longer now. Hopefully the  
good rains we've been having down here in the Western Cape will continue. 
At the movies this week we kick off with the first all-female crew in the  
"Ocean's" franchise. It's doing pretty well Stateside at the box office. 
That's followed by some cold-weather cat and mouse games with Braven, while 
the local industry rolls out an adult comedy in Afrikaans with Thys & Trix. 
On the art circuit (and venues catering to that market) we have two films, 
one a highly rated animated film (Isle of Dogs) while On Chesil Beach takes 
us back to gentler times in 1962 with a cross-class romance. 
Then Incredibles 2 is now rolling out on IMAX, and Kollywood delivers some 
space-based high action in Tik Tik Tik. 
Forgot to mention last week that there's the European Film Festival running 
at the Nouveaus. 
Lastly on the previews side, there are previews at selected venues next 
Thursday evening for the female-friendly Book Club. See the previews page 
and remember to book. 
Released 22 June 2018 
* Ocean's 8 (13 LD IAT) 
* Braven (16 LVD) 
* Thys & Trix (16 LVD) 
* Isle of Dogs (PG10-12 LV) 
* On Chesil Beach (16 LNSV) 
* Incredibles 2 (3D IMAX) 
* Tik Tik Tik   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Paddy was in   New York  . 
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street 
crossing.  The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, 
pedestrians..'   Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. 
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. 
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went 
over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?' 
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the 
obituary column that he had died.   He quickly phoned his best friend, 
'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!' 
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney.  'Where are ye callin' from?' 
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff 
one - just had another fight with the little woman.' 
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?' 
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.' 
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch!   What did she say?' 
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.' 
Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough. 
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys. 
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. 
I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect. 
I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me 
No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning. 
I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18" 
"If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits 
on the highway?" 
Why do we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss 
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery 
tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? 
On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. 
There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes. 
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? 
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point 
The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal 
probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world. 
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. 
My wife and I were happy for twenty years .... then we met. 
Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you 
I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here. 
Sign in pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..." 
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'? 
I see your IQ test results were negative. 
Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while 
Frank Lingua, president and CEO of Dissembling Associates, is the 
nation's leading purveyor of buzzwords, catch phrases and clichés for 
people too busy to speak in plain English. 
This interview by Dan Danbom of Business Finance Magazine … 
Danbom: Is being a cliché expert a full-time job? 
Lingua: Bottom line is I have a full plate 24/7. 
D. Is it hard to keep up with the seemingly endless supply of clichés 
that spew from business? 
L. Some days, I don't have the bandwidth. It's like drinking from a fire 
D. So it's difficult? 
L. Harder than nailing jelly to the wall. 
D. Where do most clichés come from? 
L. Stakeholders push the envelope until it's outside the box. 
D. How do you track them once they've been coined? 
L. It's like herding cats. 
D. Can you predict whether a phrase is going to become a cliché? 
L. Yes. I skate to where the puck's going to be. Fish where the fish are. 
Because if you aren't the lead dog, you're not providing a customer-centric 
proactive solution. 
D. Give us a new buzzword that we'll be hearing ad nauseum. 
L. "Eskomitis" could be a viable next-generation player. 
D. Do people understand your role as a cliché expert? 
L. No, they can't get their arms around that. But they aren't incented 
to, of course. We aren’t keeping them moist enough. 
D. How do people know you're a cliché expert? 
L. Light bulb moment, Dan. I walk the walk and talk the talk. 
D. Did incomprehensibility come naturally to you? 
L. I wasn't wired that way, but it became mission-critical as I 
strategically focused on my go-forward plan. 
D. What did you do to develop this talent? 
L. It's not rocket science. It's not brain surgery. When you drill down 
to the granular level, it's just basic blocking and tackling. 
D. How do you know if you're successful in your work? 
L. At the end of the day, it's all about robust, world-class, leading-edge 
quality language  solutions. 
D. How do you stay ahead of others in the buzzword industry? 
L. Net-net, my value proposition is based on maximizing synergies and 
being first to market with a leveraged, value-added deliverable. That's the 
opportunity space on this level playing field let me tell you. 
D. Does everyone in business eventually devolve into the sort of mindless 
drivel you spout? 
L. If you walk like a duck and talk like a duck, you're a duck. 
D. Do you read "Dilbert" in the newspaper? 
L. My knowledge base is de-selective of fiber media. 
D. Does that mean "no"? 
L. Negative. 
L. Let's take your issues offline. 
L. You have a result-driven mind-set that isn't a strategic fit with my 
game plan. 
L. Your call is very important to me. 
D. How can you live with yourself? 
L. I eat my own dog food. My vision is to monetize scalable supply 
D. When are you going to quit this? 
L. I may eventually exit the business to pursue other career 
opportunities. Consulting seems nice. 
D. I hate you. 
L. Take it and run with it. Talk to the hand, ’cause the face ain’t 
* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, 
And some days you're the statue. 
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, 
Just in case you have to eat them. 
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be 
"Recalled" by their maker. 
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. 
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, 
It was probably worth it. 
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others. 
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, 
Because then you won't have a leg to stand on. 
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. 
Just get up and dance. 
* When everything's coming your way, 
You're in the wrong lane. 
* Birthdays are good for you. 
The more you have, the longer you live. 
* You may be only one person in the world, 
But you may also be the world to one person... 
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once. 
* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and 
some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colours, but 
they all have to live in the same box. 
*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. 

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