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Newsletter and jokes: 13 July 2018

Hi all

In a somewhat dramatic turn of events, the age restriction on today's big
new release, Skyscraper, was dropped from 16 LV to 13 LV, which is in line
with most of the rest of the world. I'm wondering if the original 16 limit
was because the FPB thinks that SA restrictions are too lenient, and is now
getting stricter. For what it's worth, ratings around the world are as 

Argentina:13 (with warning) 
Australia:M (Recommended for people aged 15+ years, but not pedantic.)
Canada:PG (British Columbia/Alberta) 
Canada:G (Quebec) 
Norway:15 (Nordics can be strict on violence)
South Korea:12 
Spain:12 (ICAA) 
United Kingdom:12A 
United States:PG-13 

Apart from The Rock's "Die Hard meets Towering Inferno" high(!) action,
we also have a look at the aftermath of the riots following the trial of 
the officers involved in the Rodney King incident. This is not exactly 
the James Bond / Jinx reunion that fans have been waiting for, but it will
have to do for now.

India provides two releases this week, a sports drama in Hindi and a spoof
comedy in Tamil.

There's lots of previews for Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again, on Wednesday
evening. See the previews page and be sure to book. The first episode was 
very popular, remaining on the Top Ten for 12 weeks, same as Black Panther.

Speaking of business, Incredibles 2 has crossed the 500 M USD line in the 
USA, becoming the first animated film to do so, and thus also the highest
grossing animated film ever there.

Back to school, back to reality ... enjoy the last weekend of freedom. :-)

Released 13 July 2018

* Skyscraper (3D) (13 LV)
* Skyscraper (13 LV)
* Skyscraper (3D IMAX) (13 LV)
* Kings (16 LSNVPD)
* Soorma
* Tamizh Padam 2 

Forthcoming attractions

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week 

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


A man watching a hockey match on TV kept switching channels to a raunchy
movie featuring a lusty couple. "I don't know whether to watch them or the
game," he said to his wife.

"For heaven's sake, watch them," his wife said. "You already know how to
play Hockey!"


One Sabbath, an Alabama preacher told his flock: "Someone in this
congregation has spread a scurrilous rumour that I am a member of the Ku
Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community
cannot tolerate.

"I am embarrassed, and I do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the
party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from our Lord and this
Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued: "Do you have the nerve to face me and
admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven, and in your
heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet. Then slowly a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a
traffic-stopping body rose from the third pew.

Her head was bowed and her voice quavered as she spoke: "Reverend, there
has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of
the Ku Klux Klan.

"I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation
roared. Hallelujah.


An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from
the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the
other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to
confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more
inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies, "Get out! You're on my side."


A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down,
but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass
eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches
out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry,"
the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner
to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest
dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she
asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for
breakfast. They had a wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy
is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! "You know," he said, "you
are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she
replies.. . ...

Wait for it. ... ...

It's coming. . ... The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

She says...  "You just happened to catch my eye."


Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a
Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH. He says to himself,
"this driver is just as dangerous as a speedster!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the Car,
he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seats and
three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't Understand, I
was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know
that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit Exactly..
Twenty-two kilometres an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 Was
the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the Woman
grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask.. Is everyone in this car
These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't made a peep this whole
time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, So I got my doctor's
permission to Join a fitness club and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.

But, By the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.


A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,

"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my lord! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."


 Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and
knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your Dad
home?" the rancher asked.

"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the
other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where
all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a
message for Dad."

"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your
Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that,"
he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for
the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for

Skyscraper (3D)SoormaSkyscraperTamizh Padam 2
KingsSkyscraper (3D IMAX)
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