Newsletter and jokes 20 July 2018

Hi all 
With plenty of big movies on circuit already (US Summer box office season), 
we only have one big new release this week, and it's everyone's favourite 
sing-along crew (apart from Frozen) from Mamma Mia back again. 
The original had a good run on the local circuit, staying on the Top Ten 
for 12 weeks, which is way above average. And now that the big sporting 
events are over, go enjoy the music and good lookers. 
Elsewhere, there are two releases on the art circuit (Back to Burgandy,  
from France not Stellenbosch, although you could be forgiven for thinking 
it's Stellies), and the gritty urban drama Life & Nothing More. 
The subcontinent provides three offerings this week, the romantic drama 
Dhadak in Hindi, the action/romance/drama Kadaikutty Singam in Tamil, and 
Teefa in Trouble in Urdu. The last one looks like what happens when you  
combine Tom Cruise with Jim Carrey.... 
And speaking of Tom Cruise, yes there are isolated previews next Wednesday 
and Thursday evening for next week's Mission Impossible, which has the  
critics raving about it ... plenty of high action and unbelievable stunts. 
See the previews page and remember to book. 
* Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (PG7-9 D) 
* Life & Nothing More (16 L) 
* Back to Burgundy (13 LSD) 
* Dhadak (Hindi) 
* Kadaikutty Singam (Tamil) 
* Teefa in Trouble (Urdu)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (cellphone wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a 
little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by 
the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, 
under the eyes of her screaming parents. 
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square 
on the nose with a powerful punch. 
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and 
the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. 
A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter, addressing the Harley 
rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man 
do in my whole life.' 
The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind 
bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as 
I felt right.' 
The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a 
journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the 
front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political 
affiliation do you have?' 
The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' The journalist 
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings 
news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: 
That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days. 
About a month before he died, my grandmother covered my grandfather's back 
with lard. 
After that, he went downhill very quickly. 
Boss: Experts say humour on the job relieves tension in this time of 
down-sizing. I got one... Knock, Knock. 
Employee: Who's there? 
Boss: Not you anymore. 
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house 
and four people died. 
When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only 
child. . .eventually. 
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the 
same room and let them fight it out. 
I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add. 
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep 
it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it. 
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine. 
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He 
said "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "the middle of August? 
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are 
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 
"Happy Birthday". 
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. 
I was hitchhiking the other day, and a hearse stopped. I said, "No thanks - 
I'm not going that far." 
Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller 
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? 
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool 
you.  He really is an idiot. 
I must say that I find television very educational.  The minute somebody 
turns it on, I go to the library and read a book. 
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. 
I must confess, I was born at a very early age. 
Women should be obscene and not heard. 
Time wounds all heels. 
Quote me as saying I was misquoted. 
A blonde was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.  Her 
car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair 
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde and decided to have some fun.  He 
told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard and all 
the dents would pop out.  So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands 
and knees and started blowing into her tail pipe. 
Nothing happened.  She blew a little harder and still nothing happened. 
Her room mate, also a blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" 
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow in 
the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. 
Her blonde room mate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh!  Hello??  Don't you 
know that you need to roll up the windows first!" 

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