Newsletter and jokes 3 August 2018

Hi all 
We have a crowd-friendly line-up for the long weekend (luck sods), kicking 
off with it's-not-actually-Jaws-redux monster shark action thriller The  
Meg, with Jason Statham. 
He's joined by Charming, for the kiddies, which although it features a trio 
of princesses made famous by Disney, is not a Disney movie. 
For the adults/females/art circuit, we have the period rom-drama mouthful 
of a title, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, while the  
new Afrikaans female-friendly drama Stroomop caters to the more adventurous 
woman. (You'd swear there was a woman's holiday or something today...) 
India provides the same film in two languages, while the gritty urban  
American drama Superfly is showing today in some venues, while technically 
opening officially tomorrow. 
Lastly... previews. Yes, more female-friendly with previews in many venues 
for The Spy Who Dumped on Tuesday, while the men get their turn on Wedneday 
with select venues screening Equalizer 2. There's also some previews for  
upcoming Bollywood sports epic Gold on Wednesday and Thursday. 
See the previews page and remember to book. 
Released 9 August 2018 
* Charming (3D) (PG) 
* Charming (PG) 
* The Meg (3D) (16 LVH) 
* The Meg (16 LVH) 
* The Meg (3D IMAX) (16 LVH) 
* The Meg (4DX) (16 LVH) 
* The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society (13 LVD) 
* Stroomop (PG10-12 LV) 
* Kolamavu Kokila (CoCo)(Tamil) 
* Kolamavu Kokila (CoCo)(Telugu) 
10 August 2018 
*  Superfly (18 LNSVD)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I've joined Alcoholics Anonymous. I still drink but I use a different name. 
Marriage is like a witness protection scheme. You get new clothes, home, 
hair cut & you can't to see your old mates any more. 
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Cumference. He 
acquired his size from too much pi. 
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to 
be an optical Aleutian . 
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was 
a weapon of math disruption. 
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his 
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum 
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.. 
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking 
into it. 
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the 
other, "You stay here, I'll go on a head." 
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, "Keep off the Grass." 
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his 
grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet." 
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at 
19. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned 
20. A backward poet writes inverse. 
21. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your 
count that votes. 
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 
23. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects! 
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father 
as to when they could discuss his use of the car. 
His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades 
up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your 
hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.' 
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, 
and they agreed on it. 
After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up 
and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but you haven't 
had your hair cut. 
The  boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've  noticed in my studies of the Bible 
Samson had long hair, John the  Baptist had long hair, Moses had long 
hair...and there's even strong  evidence that Jesus had long hair.' 
To this his father replied, 'Did you also notice they all walked everywhere 
they went?' 

Xax International logo
 Xax International
 All rights reserved.